City of Dreams: The documentary - Afrocentric Educ./ Black-Focused School- Trailer

In November 2007, public consciousness woke up to the fact that African-Canadian youth have disappeared from Toronto schools.

Approximately 40% of Black youth are currently out of school in one of the world's most tolerant, diverse, multicultural, wealthy cities.

In an effort to combat the dropout rate and help kids of African-heritage (aka Black youth), the Toronto School Board, on January 30th, approved a proposal to open an Black-focused school. It was a controversial proposal and a decision some called segregation and others considered liberation from centuries of Eurocentric education that led to the mis-education of kids of African heritage.

'City of Dreams' , a 90min. documentary brings us to the people impacted by this statistic and uncovers the whereabouts of the 1st Black-focused School.

Through the experiences of a mother whose son was expelled from school; the teacher of a boy shot in school property; Advocates of Afrocentric schools in 1970s; a retired school administrator; a school board trustee along with notable figures like Dr. George Elliott Clarke, Dr. Pablo Idahosa, Hawa Jabril and Faduma Ahmed Alim, 'City of Dreams' brings us to the heart of what has been the most racially tense, controversial subject in Toronto in recent years.

'City of Dreams' is a provocative, powerful and eye-opening look at race and education and ultimately challenges its viewers into re-thinking multiculturalism, segregation, integration, separation, assimilation, racism and education.

We thoroughly hope that you enjoy the trailer. By joining this group, you will receive updates regarding local screenings of the documentary.

You can also get in touch with Producer/Director Hana Abdul: fistfulloffirepictures@hotmail.com, or Production Assistant Tim Chan: tim_chan@live.com

Link to Trailer on Youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/ProductionOffice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdJyHSFF6Wg

Another act of violence at CW Jefferys...

Here's the latest incident to happen at CW Jefferys. Sometimes I wonder if our story is melodramatic, then I remember that this one particular high school has already had: a boy shot and killed in the school, a girl raped by 6 boys in the bathroom, and now a kid stabbed in the cafeteria at 12 noon.

[speechless]

Bobman


C.W. Jefferys Collegiate Institute, a Toronto high school plagued by violence including a fatal 2007 shooting, was in lockdown again Tuesday after a 16-year-old boy was stabbed and rushed to hospital.

The victim was stabbed in the stomach at the school early Monday afternoon, the CBC's Muhammad Lila reported. Injured and bleeding, he took a cab to his home near Jane Street and Sheppard Ave. W. before a relative called 911 at about 12:47 p.m. ET. He was taken by ambulance to Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre where he underwent surgery for non-life threatening injuries.

"He was bleeding profusely from the stomach area," Const. Tony Vella told CBC News.
The student's identity and details including a motive haven't been disclosed.

The northwest Toronto school, located at 340 Sentinel Rd., was under lockdown for about three hours until 4 p.m. ET while police investigated.

"These are our kids," said parent Marilyn Valotta. "And what's happening to them? They're getting stabbed and they're getting shot. It's ridiculous. It shouldn't be happening."

She and other parents said they'd feel safer if police officers were patrolling the school hallways, a measure some other Toronto District School Board schools have implemented.

Principal Audley Salmon told reporters that the school has three hallway monitors and surveillance cameras, which police will use to find witnesses and suspects.

C.W. Jefferys has had its share of controversies in recent years. The high school was the site of a shooting that killed 15-year-old Jordan Manners in May 2007. It was also where an alleged sexual assault occurred in 2006 but only came to light much later after an advisory panel investigating school safety reported it.

Manners' death prompted officials to convene a major task force that examined the problem of violence in Toronto's public schools.

The panel concluded that many of the more than 250,000 students at Toronto public high schools face a "culture of fear."

The panel's 1,000-page report, released in January, uncovered an alarming number of unreported incidents of violence and sexual harassment at specific Toronto schools.
In January 2006, the panel recorded 177 violent incidents in schools across the district, including some involving guns, robbery and sexual assault.

Rejuvenated...

Hi all,

Thought I'd check in with a blog entry.

Just wanted to say how nice it is to come to rehearsal, and feel joy for my work again. For the last few years, most (if not all) projects I've acted in/wrote/directed have felt like work. Too many shoots are about the money, too many scripts are about selling tickets, too many projects are about attracting the next contract, etc.

For the first time in a LONG time, I am only focused on this project insofar as it materializes in the most artistically-brilliant way possible. I'm a lot happier working this way, and considerably less stressed. I'm thankful for the opportunity to work with such a talented group of wonderful human beings. We're truly blessed, and I can't wait to see how it all turns out!

Bobman

Newz from the Toronto School Board

Urban Diversity Strategy aims to cut Toronto's black dropout rate from 40 t0 15 percent

From the Toronto Star (Cut black dropout rate to 15%, schools told by Louise Brown, June 18, 2008):

Canada's largest school board is poised to set tough targets to chop the alarming 40 per cent dropout rate among black students to 15 per cent within five years.

Through mentors, teacher training and close tracking of the most needy students, the Toronto District School Board's sweeping new Urban Diversity Strategy – to be voted on tomorrow by a board committee and by all trustees next week – would aim to make all intermediate and high schools across the city more sensitive to the demographic roadblocks often facing students of differing backgrounds.

The action plan would also target the 25 most racially diverse, low-performing schools for extra youth workers, outreach staff to work with parents, summer programs for Grade 8 students who fail any of the 3 Rs, and a network of teachers who feel passionate about working in such challenging schools.

"We know this is not going to be an easy task, but with the data we now know about our students, and with what we see is working already at some schools – plus a little bit of pressure – we know it can be done," said Gerry Connelly, the board's director of education, in an interview yesterday.

The report is one of the ways the board is responding to new data showing children from poor or turbulent backgrounds or marginalized communities often lag behind.

While trustees voted to open an Africentric alternative school in September 2009 as a sort of test lab for a more global curriculum and more black teachers as role models, the board also charged staff to come up with ways to help children at risk in all schools.

[. . .]

Read all of Louise Brown's article.

Comment:

This strategy seems to be based on the premise that all students have the same potential to do well academically. But what if that's not true? What if, for example, average IQ levels differ from group to group? I suspect five years from now the Star will be publishing articles asking why the Urban Diversity Strategy failed. There's nothing wrong in trying to help black students, but don't assume that all groups will do equally well in school.

See also:

Toronto school study shows great disparities among cultural groups in academic performance

Ontario Safe Schools Act - Liberals plan to abolish zero-tolerance policy. Too many black students being expelled

High number of immigrant children places huge strain on Toronto school system

Toronto high school students who speak Portuguese, Spanish or Somali drop out at higher rates

Tony Lo Bianco...

Lo Bianco. Tony Lo Bianco.

I like my women hot, my beer cold, and summers off. Enter teaching. Just kidding. Well, kinda.

Basically, as long as they pay me on time, I’m good. I’m in by nine (okay, usually a couple minutes late), I’m done by 3:35 (okay, usually a couple minutes early), and I’ll see you at the pool hall on Friday nights. My job reminds me of that famous line from “Dazed and Confused”: ‘I love high school girls. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.’

I never cross the line, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say my little jail bait hotties are a perk of the job. And if I can teach a couple pussies how to lay a couple of those birds, I’m Teacher of the Fuckin’ Year. I’d love a piece of Martina (I call her Little M), but I think I better teach that Muslim Ben how to get his pecker straight. Better him than me. Just wait 2 years for me, Little M... That Kim’s a nice piece of ass too.

In the dudage department, the only kid I kinda like is Adam. He laughs at all my jokes, and he can play basically any sport he wants. Great forearms on that kid. If he wasn’t black, I’d think of him as my kid. I don’t hate black kids, they just make me a little uncomfortable. Still, you can’t beat summers off.

In my high school life, I got it all figured out. I know who to grease, who to ignore, and which girls will probably end up being hot by grade 11. This new guy Mr. Wright is breaking my balls though. I’ve got my routine down. Everything works out, I kiss the principal’s ass just enough to be left alone, and I’ll even coach a basketball team or run the debating club once a year to be “all school spirit”. But this guy is watching me. I can feel his fucken eyes on me like a snake. I don’t know why he can’t just chill the fuck out, but he’s all “Dangerous Minds” or whatever. Once he realizes this job isn’t like the movies, he’ll figure it out. Fuck it. I might even invite him to the pool hall. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Now I gotta review rationalizing the denominator again. I used to be good at math, but I keep forgetting that shit. I’d rather just teach gym, but they tell me I have to add an “academic”. Personally, I think gym is pretty fucken academic, but what are you gonna do? I can review that math text book tonight, and still have time to Facebook some of my students. Really, I should hang out with more chicks my own age, but I can’t deal with cougars. They get too flabby. My girls got all the right parts in all the right places – and nobody’s asking to marry me. Where do I sign?

I gotta hit Wasaga this weekend. These kids are breaking my fucken balls about their mid-terms. Who’d a thunk so many fuck-ups would end up being keeners? If you’re a ghetto kid, act like it. I’ll let you do whatever the fuck you want, just extend me the same courtesy. I won’t call the cops on you, don’t tell the principal on me. It’s pretty simple. Maybe I can go to Italy for the summer? Maybe Spain? Lots of young girls vacationing in Europe for the summer. Sounds like a plan to me... Just kidding. Well, not really.

Lo Bianco!

Immigrants face growing economic mobility gap

MARINA JIMÉNEZ
From Monday's Globe and Mail
October 6, 2008 at 1:06 AM EDT

Children of Chinese and South Asian immigrants to Canada do dramatically better over time than the offspring of blacks, Filipinos and Latin Americans, new census data reveal.
The findings, released quietly last week by Statistics Canada, suggest a new paradigm for understanding immigrants' integration and success.

The old vertical mosaic – with whites from Britain and Europe at the top and visible minorities underneath – is no longer valid. Instead, second- and third-generation Chinese and Japanese surpass all other groups of newcomers, including whites, while for blacks and other groups, there is little or no economic mobility across generations.

“You can no longer make broad generalizations about how badly visible minorities are doing. Some groups are doing really well, and others are not,” said Jack Jedwab, a historian and head of the Association for Canadian Studies, who wrote a report on the findings.

“We need to rethink the vertical mosaic and look at why mobility is weak among certain ethnic groups.”

The new research, based on the 2006 census, comes as a disappointment – but not a surprise – to Patricia Hines, a teacher and communications expert who emigrated from Jamaica in 2001.
She believes that, while discrimination is a factor, the community could also do more to help itself.

“A lot of us look for schools and communities with black students and teachers so our children won't feel isolated. But that is self-limiting,” says Ms. Hines, 40, who relocated to Toronto with her husband, an accountant.

“If you really don't have an interest in what other people do, or focus overly on your community, then you are limiting your potential,” said Ms. Hines, who owns her own business and works at the Black Business and Professional Association, but noted that her opinions are her own.
The 2006 census data show that first-generation white immigrants with university degrees, aged 25-44, earned $68,036 a year on average – just above the Canadian-born baseline of $65,000. Those from Japan earned $58,294 and those from China $55,270, while black immigrants earned $51,317 a year.

The below-average incomes relate to immigrants' language barriers, lack of Canadian job experience, and difficulties getting their credentials recognized.
The balance shifts, however, with the second and third generation.

The Chinese catapulted ahead, with the grandchildren of immigrants earning an average of $79,022 a year. Incomes for South Asians also increased substantially by the third generation.
In contrast, blacks languished, with third-generation immigrants earning less than newcomers. The incomes of Latin Americans also fell across the generations.
The census findings also suggest that blacks experience more discrimination and difficulties in the labour market than others.

Jeffrey Reitz, a sociologist at the University of Toronto, has researched this area extensively and found that while recently arrived immigrants from the Caribbean and Africa are fairly well educated, their employment outcomes are far worse than other newcomer groups.
“Blacks do fairly well in terms of education, but black men especially stand out with strikingly lower incomes. They report experiences of discrimination on a much higher level than other racial groups,” he said.

Canada's black community has struggled with racial stereotyping and higher-than-average rates of poverty. The high school drop-out rate for blacks in the Toronto public school system has been estimated at about 40 per cent, almost double the rate for non-blacks, prompting the school board to create an alternative Afrocentric school.

An articulate professional, Ms. Hines observed that she never encountered discrimination until she began studying for her master's degree at the University of Toronto. She was shocked to discover there were no other black students or lecturers.

When the class was asked to write the names of five black people, many could only come up with Lincoln Alexander, Ontario's former lieutenant-governor, and Michael (Pinball) Clemons of the Toronto Argonauts football team.

“It made me realize that even though Canada is so diverse, the different ethnic groups don't really mix or understand one another's culture,” Ms. Hines said. “It is hard to talk about this. What are South Asian and Chinese immigrants doing that somehow gets them ahead?”
The census data found that 60 per cent of second-generation Chinese immigrants had university degrees, compared with 52 per cent of South Asians, 36 per cent of Filipinos, 32 per cent of blacks and 23 per cent of Latin Americans.

The higher education levels among Chinese and South Asians appears to reflect the values of their parents – middle-class, educated newcomers who may be underemployed when they arrive, but who expect their children to advance.

The Truth

I found an article that was written in The Star about the Falconer Report.

Jordan Manners died of "pure neglect" – a result of the cutbacks to the kinds of supports at-risk students need, says the head of a panel that has delivered a stinging indictment of safety in the city's high schools.

The Toronto District School Board is "nowhere near sufficiently funded to manage" the diverse students it serves, and, to this day, doesn't provide enough social workers or child and youth workers to C.W. Jefferys Collegiate, where Manners was shot to death last May, Julian Falconer said.

"Jordan Manners died on May 23, 2007, of flat neglect – pure neglect," he told reporters at a press conference at board headquarters yesterday.

"There were insufficient supports in place in our system to encourage him to make better choices," he said, adding society at large is to blame for what's happened "and we need to fix it."
During the months of interviews and research for the report, the three-member panel heard from countless teens about weapons in schools.

"You could fill a Home Hardware with the amount of knives kids bring to school," Falconer said. "But we don't find them."

Full of graphic, even gripping findings, the 1,000-page tome includes a five-page retelling of the shooting death of Jordan Manners based on interviews of those at the school that May afternoon – from the moment the 15-year-old boy asked to be excused from his business class to go to the washroom, to the moment some 20 minutes later when teacher Eric Colquhoun found him lying on his stomach near a stairway, in medical distress.

Too, there are disturbing details of the alleged assault of a female Muslim student in a school washroom by six males, who have since been charged with gang sexual assault. The report devotes a section to a troubling climate of sexual aggression in the halls and recommends many changes to address the problem.

"This report is a call to action, and act we will," said board chair John Campbell, adding, however, that "the school board cannot solve all the problems that face our youth."

Trustee Cathy Dandy, who heads the board's working group on student safety, said the group is meeting tomorrow and will develop a timeline for implementing the panel recommendations as well as decide what can be implemented immediately and what's already underway.

"We are not just going to blunder forward on this," she said.

Falconer said that while the province is putting money back into school boards for counsellors and hall monitors, "it's not enough and not fast enough."

In Ottawa yesterday, Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty said he looks forward to working with the Toronto board on the report's proposals.

"We'll be taking a close look at the report and seeing what more we can do together, in order to ensure that when parents send their kids off to school, they are genuinely safe.

"The fact of the matter is that there are millions of children who attend school every single day in Ontario and they do so safely and without incident. Not to say that there aren't some real issues in some communities and we need to do more to address those."

In the report, Falconer paints the picture of a school system where some black students tell authorities "it is easier to get a gun than a job."

At yesterday's press conference, where the board officially released the final report, Falconer said, "The truth is, there are guns in our schools in non-trivial numbers across the city and neither the police or the TDSB are in the position to track guns at any given school."

Among his recommendations is for the board to consider locker searches as well as bring in gun-sniffing dogs for random searches in high schools around the city.

Gerry Connelly, the board's director of education, said board staff are working with the police to keep guns out of schools.

"We're going to have to consider" both those suggestions, she said, adding police told her they don't have sniffer dogs for weapons, although such specially trained animals do exist.

"The report addresses a really important and complex issue that we don't have the answer to," Connelly said. "We can't search out every gun."

Falconer yesterday said to forget visions of tactical officers with big dogs roaming the hallways – he was talking about springer spaniels who would do a sweep down a hallway of lockers.

His report also condemns the use of suspensions as discipline, saying sending students home if they live in a shelter, or simply waste time waiting to return to school, serves no purpose.
"We suspend in droves, and it fails."

He also made it clear that violent incidents occur across the city, and not just in the northwest end. In fact, his panel found that of 54 gun incidents from January 2006 to November 2007, just three were in that area.

Some 30 incidents with knives or Tasers were reported in high schools, and 31 sexual assaults on school property.

"Nothing could be further from the truth that this is a problem involving the black kids at Jane and Finch," he added.

He also rapped the board for its culture of fear, where teachers and staff and students are afraid to speak out.

And despite the violence, he argued against a return to zero-tolerance plans, which he said "do not work."

"Marginalized youth cannot be punished into becoming engaged," he said.

-The Star

In the news today...

Just watched CBC. Another teenager just got shot outside his high school today.

Last week, a kid got shot at Keele/Eglinton. That's where I grew up. They locked down 5 schools including York Memo. That's where I went to high school.

This project is, unfortunately, timely.

People are killing each other. Correction: KIDS are killing each other. The truth is: I don't know what the hell to do about it???

I read about a zillion different posts on the CBC website. The debates are fierce, and I don't even know how to interject... It's such a complex issue. Whether you go right-wing or left-wing, you're missing something. You can open up community centres, hire police officers, hug as many teenagers as you can, it seems to have no result...

All I know is that things are getting WORSE, and I thought they were pretty bad when I was growing up... I'm getting to the age where I'm thinking about where to raise my unborn children. Toronto is looking less viable every single day...

Bobman

L.I.F.E

..''STOP''..
...STOP SCREAMIN OR I'LL KILL YOU

(GUN SHOT)

another soul taken and left on the streets to bleed
. left to suffer alone with no help.. fear is what keeps use blind and speechles and scared to get involved or say anything to make a difference. Ordered by rules to follow and you have a postion that your leveled to and respected by, some higher then others.

This Is The Life In The G.H.E.T.T.O

You wake up, you look out your window its just another day
you see the gangs dealin, you see a girl walk by being stared down and picked up by a car. Kids running around doing what ever they want. People arguing, cussing. Garbage every where and the smell of weed coming from balconys.

Life in the Ghetto is different then life anywhere else. It may have its ups and down but one thing is for sure. If you grow up in a low income area, your smarter and it makes you stronger. That may not always be true but most of the time it is. You appreciate things more and see the truth about life.You can't say you know how it feels until you been through it.

Growing up in the Ghetto you have 2 sides, stay out of the busniess or get in. That means dealing with the big man and rolling money. Remember once you join you can get out. Ghetto living may be different from other areas but ghetto living is the '' REAL LIFE'' cause many families live in these low income areas. After awhile they get use to the fact of ghetto and don't even consider it no more cause they learn to live ith it.

It don't matter where you live, you may live in the worst plave around the worst people and things but its up to you and what decsions you choose to make. Remember you in control not where you live.

Tomorrow!

I hope you all will get this!

Please don't forget to bring your characters "accessories" tomorrow.
From now on always come to workshops with pieces of wardrobe, trinkets and accessories that define your character. It will help to ground your characters.

Looking forward to see you all tomorrow, and please be on time...

Frances-Anne

alicia's monologue

Some may say im sweet, others may see me as more stuck up, but the thing is, none of these people really know me, i mean REALLY know me well enough to call me anything else but my name, Alicia. I am sixteen years old and in grade eleven. many see my life as somewhat perfect. i have a well rounded family, i have a big house, and i have the most amazing boyfriend any could could dream of. Yet, i'm constantly asking myself, "what's missing? if i have everything, why is it that i'm still not happy?"

I have always had a father figure in my life and always had someone that i called Dad, and for the longest time i always knew him as my old man. It wasn't until i was about 12 that my mom told me about my real dad, to whom she referred to as "the donor", because that all he did, was donate his male functions or whatever, then when he found out about me, he peaced. His name was Bryan and at one point that's i wanted to know about him. I hated him! How could this guy just up and leave my mother like that, pregnant, barefoot, and on her own?!! My mom says that everything happens for a reason, some times, ya shit happens, but you gotta pull through. Not very long after the whole donor situation is when my mom met Roger, who "helped her through everything" she says. After i was born they got married and later on had my sister, Gabrielle, and my brother, kalvin.

We never really talked about the donor much, but i was beyond curious, like who wouldn't be? i decided i wanted to try and contact my biological father Bryan. i couldn't let my mom find out though, she'd be so hurt, not only that she'd be wayy pissed! i got in touch with my "Aunt" (the donor's sister) who seemed a little hesitant to give me his number. I was so nervous but excited to talk to him. i didn't kno what to say or ask, yet i had so many questions for him. I soon realised that he wasn't exactly as excited to talk to me as i thought he might have been. He wanted nothing to do with me actually to be honest. Now i know why my mom was so strict on not allowing me to contact him, she didn't want me to be hurt, just like she had been in the past. well, i was hurt, alot and still am. he's my father! doesn't he have to love me? I felt so unwanted, like i was just some childhood mistake of his! but that's it, that's all i was to him, and words can't describe how that still makes me feel when i think about it. can Roger really love me like a daughter if my own father can't? I began to take the easy way out from my confusion and problems. A way that the pain that no one else could understand would be numb, by drinking...alot.

I started dating my boyfriend Derrek the summer of grade nine. i knew he was into some thought shit but for some reason i thought i could change him. I fell hard and fast and before i knew it i was the one following his badass ways. Blazin, getting completely shitfaced, and waking up in the middle of nowhere, became a regular routine of mine. Iskipped school more than often and when i did go to school i always made sure i had plenty bottles of water... and vodka. i'd mix half and half, so i wouldnt get caught.

Roger has always tried to be the positive malefigure in my life but since i found out about the donor just nothing was the same. He tried to tell me what to do and how to act,, all the things a father has the authority to do, but all he did was piss me off!I began to hate him too and we never got along. i figured i only needed one positive male figure in my lifeand that was Derrek. i knew he loved me (for the most part) and that's all that mattered.

So, last night i went to Derrek's to hang out like always. He began to get al defensive when i simply aksed him wat he did friday night instead of hangout with me. i didn't think anything of it until he started lashing out at me and yelling at me "do you seriuosly have to hangout with me every night just so that u kno i'm not with other girls?" wow, as if he just said that! we started arguing and yelling at eachother to the point where i lost my voice, and walked out. Derrek started to chase me down the driveway, threatning that if i took one more step it was over. I'd had it and kept walking home.

By the time i walked in the door it was real late, and my rents were sitting on the couch waiting to like ambush me or something. they started at me with all this " we're worried about you" shit. i mean PLEASE! they're anything but worried as long as they're relatioship is healthy the world is at ease! Anytime i'm home mom's always bitching to me about fuck all, and Rog is standin behind her trying to be all macho and shit,, i'm sick of it! So i totally snapped that night, i packed my bags threw in my wadka (water bottles with vodka), and headed to a friends. Igot to my friend kelsey's and was at my boiling point. i had just had it with all the bullshit and just got right into the drinks. One led to another, then another, then lost count.

Iwoke up this morning strapped to a stretcher, attached to 4 different machines. My mom was holding my hand and crying. Ididn't understand, because icouldn't remember anything from the night before. I was later told that my friends parents came home early and found me convulsing and called 911. the doctor says that if they had come home anylater i could have been dead. So, now as i lie in my hospital bed remenicing on my past, i aks myself "now whats missing?, why is it that im still so unhappy?" well, i think im beginning to figure it out.

Home work!

I hope you guys had a great two weeks off.

Here's a reminder of the homework that I mentioned at our last workshop:

1) Location study : Go to a school in what is called a "low income area" in Toronto, and make notes about what it is like. How is it like your school, or different from it?

2) Character study: Choose a real person who ressembles your character in significant ways. Study the person's habits and mannerisms, speech and thought patterns, accessories and dress. Try to understand why that person looks and behaves as he/ she does.

"Behavior is a form of communication".

That means everything a person is or does is a way of saying something about who they are, where they come from, where they are going and what they want the world to know about them.

1) Make notes about the real person here, if posible in the first person, using his or her voice.

2) Choose some bits of that real person to integrate into your fictional character to make him/her more authentic and layered. Bring some of those accessoris (if they are portable) to the next workshop...

Congratulations to you all for exploring the inner voices of your characters through the blog! All of it makes very compelling reading. Please continue to write as much as you like.

Finally, I am very pleased to welcome Lauren to our group, she will be joining us on Saturday!

Lots of love and look forward to seeing everyone nest week.

Frances-Anne

hey everyone!

i just finished reading all your monologues and they're amazing! you all put incredible thought into them and they turned out fantastic! im currently working on mine, and will hopefully post it within the next two days. i am so excited to see you all again, and am so gratful to be apart of this project with all of you! congrats to everyone, and thank you for this great opportunity! i cant wait to get started!

cheers,
lauren:)

Bottom Line

So you wanna KNOW me. . . Well you already know my name is Adam. You know that my sister Shy is my light and my boy Vusani is my closest bregin. . . More? Alright, but keep in mind you're about to step into some deep shit. . .

My dad is a money fountain. I say that because all he does is pass 'round his cake like its gonna fix everything. I don't even know why I call him dad. I don't rate him and for damn sure I don't respect him. I can't respect someone that blamed me for mom going to jail. What reason did he have to say that? There isn't one. Only that he can't handle his own guilt so he passes it on to me. For that reason, you won't catch me saying two words to him. As far as I'm concerned hes just the dude that walks in, eats up all the food me and Shy cook, and then goes into his office and keeps his eyes burned on the laptop screen. . . I wish mom was around now. I know for sure if she was, things wouldn't be fucked up the way that they are now.

Nothing meant more to me than the gang. It was right up there with the fams, but that was then. At the time it felt good to come up and take the lead and make a name for us. Until I realized that I can't help anyone from a jail cell so I left. Even now, Vusani still doesn't understand. It's my family, no, it's SHYLA that keeps me from doin that stupid hood shit Vusani keeps trying to drag me into. All I hear from him is "you've lost your edge dog. I don't know if the streets could even use you now that you've gone soft." It's all in perspective. Vusani calls it weakness. I call it prioritizing. Mind you, I still deal a lil bit and of course I smoke dat kush, but I keep myself as clean as im ever gonna be just for Shy. I can't fall apart because of all this shit goin on in my head. She needs to SEE that we can make it out of the hood shit and do something proper with ourselves and I think she's starting to see it now so I DEFINITELY can't slip.

I only wish my mindset would rub of on Vusani. Don't twist it he's my closest boy but I honestly think he's smarter than that hood shit he just doesn't believe that there's more to life. That's why I don't want him anywhere near Shyla because I know how we used to do. We used to treat girls like them round the way chicks: talk to it for a while, hit it, then pass her on the sidewalk like nothing happened. But the way he looks at her. . . almost makes me sick to think of what could happen. And I tell him time and again "Forget it. That's my lil sis." But on and on he goes. I swear to God above that if I ever catch him making moves, I will shove my foot so far up his ass he'll only be able to taste my kicks for three weeks after. Vusani thinks that because I have morals now, I no longer have it in me to fuck him up. DEAD WRONG. To tell the truth, if I ever caught them together, I don't know which one of them I'd hurt first. There's only one thing left that I can say, and that's when it comes to my sister, he's on such thin ice it's not even funny. And the second he slips, I won't ask questions. I'll just take him outside and deal with his case the way I used to deal with mans back in the day. . . SO TREAD LIGHTLY VUSANI!

The streets don't need me anymore - *Ad@m*

This is Vusani

I have no place to stay, maybe I can stay at Adams place, because I have to calm myself down!! I owe money to the landlord, to adam and to the bigger homi. Plus, my dad is trying to tell me how to be a man, and TEACH me, but he wasn't there for my mother, he wasn't there when she was in the hospital, It was me, I was there, and now he is trying to teach me?! A lot of people think Im crazy, like Adam, but what I like about Adam is that he has a family to go home to, he has a sister Shyla, who is the kind of girl that will act uneasy and hard to get when she has a crush on you! Fuck, she's too much, Oh I got it, Im going to tell Adam to rob a convient store with me, and we'll cut the money 50/50, then he can prove to me that he is not a coward, and that he is still down with the gang!

ahh!! What am I doing? Sometimes I wish I was a kid again, I wouldn't have to deal with these responsibilities, I wouldn't have to deal with the jail time, and I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of robbing my own kind!! Im gonna survive the jail time though!, Im gonna make it through! ANd when Im back out, Im gonna be OG!! The fuck is my dad gonna do, and the fucking cops can't stop a soldier, Im a soldier! Im a soldier...

Shyla's Monologue

My Story

Hey, my name is Shyla and I am powerful beyond measure. Well, that and I am a sixteen year old grade 11 student at a Toronto High School. My favourite flower and colour is tulip, which is a shade of purple that means, “You will be famous!” I absolutely adore chocolate covered anything and extra cheesy pizza. I live with my Father, and my 17 year old brother Adam. My mother is currently incarcerated so; it’s good to know that Adam has my back. I can’t say that much for my dad though. He thinks the way to successfully raise a child is to give them money. I mean don’t get it twisted we’re not rich or anything, but whenever I say I miss my mom, instead of talking about it, he’ll pull out a five dollar bill! Hasn’t anybody told him money can’t buy happiness?

It’s all good though, my girls and I use the pity cash toward our “living funds” anyway. Which includes drugs, alcohol and of course shopping; we love to look ‘fly’. I don’t think I could survive without Martina and Kim; we are a family for real. However, sometimes the things they do are a little overboard. Nevertheless, we run that school with ease. We get more respect than all the teachers and the principal combined, and they are all scared to do anything anyway. Everybody knows that if you try to mess with us, oh I feel sorry for you because I’ll tear up a person for real. I really am I nice person though, it’s when you get on my bad side that we have a problem. Surprisingly, we do pretty good in school, I mean we almost hit honour role last year! Secretly, we all want to make something of ourselves, but sometimes I wonder if we even know how.
In the neighbourhood we live in, only the tough survive. That’s why we all got to stick together, to me; friendship is the most important thing. Recently however, TT and Kim revealed their newest business venture to me. This involved sleeping with random guys for nothing except drugs and cash. My girls get nothing but love from me so it honestly hurts to hear that they’d keep something like that behind my back. Especially since TT’s so much better than to sleep with those guys and Kim’s so much smarter than to get them for her. Worst part is they did it on my mom’s birthday. However, I never got to tell them that part because they were so caught up in fighting with each other. I just don’t want TT to catch some disease or for the two of them to be caught up in a bad situation just like my mom. I'm kinda the logical one in that sense. Because if I lost one of them, I honestly don’t know what I would do.

I like to say the three of are ‘Starz’, in reality we all love to act and sing, that’s why we took drama. Nobody will ever get us to admit that though, and they better not try. TT and Kim have talked about writing songs, and yes of course I was excluded from that conversation. I’m pretty used to feeling left out sometimes, I mean they have known each other longer. The three of us would make a wicked girl group though, especially with our singing and dancing on point. I think our tough skin makes us 100% compatible with the music biz. And what a perfect way to get ourselves out of our current situation and make money; better yet, Adam could be our manager! My mom loved to sing and act, just like me; she gave up on her dream though. Fortunately for me, I have no intention of giving up mine.

The whole situation with my mom began one day when I came home from school looking for her. Only to find out from Adam that she was taken to jail. My dad came home soon after and said he didn’t want to talk about it. But of course he slipped me a five dollar bill. The worst part is that I never even got to say goodbye. My mom was my favourite person in this whole entire world. That’s why I thank God for bringing me TT and Kim. They prove to me that I am truly blessed.
My mother had one brother and my dad had two sisters but they died at a young age. Which explains why my father seems to isolate himself from painful situations. When my mom was around, our family used to get together all the time, that’s all different now though. Since after my mom went to jail, Uncle Joseph moved to New York and our grandparents live in the Caribbean so we hardly ever them. I love Granny though (my dad’s mother), first of all she can actually talk to people, and she is an amazing listener. No matter what I’m going through all she has to say is, “Keep your head up baby”, and it’s like automatically everything is better.
The one thing my dad is good at is teaching Adam and I about what it means to be black, and racial discrimination. He says that’s why others refer to the kids in our neighbourhood as ‘troubled’. Thing is, the more people say that about you, the more you start to believe it. Adam never lets me though; he keeps reminding me of all the good things I got going on. And he always warns me against the situations I get myself into, and even though I still go through with it anyway, he never once said, “I told you so.” No matter how unsympathetic my friends can sometimes be, or how quickly my moods can shift, he will always be there for me. I just want to make Mom, Adam, Dad and Granny proud by making something of myself, to show those ignorant people who constantly label us as ‘troubled’, how wrong they really are.

I’m just happy we are all in the same drama class; I mean that place is a serious family reunion. You got my girls, Adam, Kim’s sister, a guy that I think likes Martina, my brother’s friend Vusani and one weird kid but who cares about him. Vusani is a very complex person to me. He puts up this bullet proof exterior like nothing in the world could faze him. Yet, whenever I look into his eyes, I see pain. I have know idea what it is or where it comes from but I have this dominant feeling that it’s something deep. The only weird thing is that he’s always staring at me; I hate that because it makes me feel like I got something on my face! About our teacher, secretly, I think he is straight up ‘greezy’, I love his class. But of course he will never know because I am good at keeping secrets. This year should be interesting; I think there may be love in the air for a few people. As for me, I have to stay strong for my girls, and live every day as best I can. Besides unless ‘bodyguard’ Adam approves, I probably won’t have a man until I am 50. Of course, I wouldn’t put myself past hiding it from him, if I find someone I really like. We will see what happens though.

For now my girls, Adam and I got open drama class as our safe place; a place where we can develop our secret natural love and ability for the art.

Because having an abundance of physical strength makes me powerful. But the internal confidence and strength I gain from performing and having talent, makes me powerful beyond measure.

~Shy~

Ben-e-facto

Hey, I am Ben and I am 17 years old. They call me a loner, a loser, a depressed piece of shit. I know who I am and I am none of those. People like to judge others at my school, they think that everyone should have labels - the school slut, the gangster bully, and the suicidal loner. Most people don't really talk to me, as they think I am some freak foreign nerd. But before I delve into that, let me back track a little bit and tell you my about my history, the history of the dusty philosopher.

When I was 4 years old, the most dearest, closest, and loving person passed away right before my eyes - my skillful father. He taught me everything about life - from fishing to riding my first bike and most importantly how to take care of myself. My mother called him an alcoholic fuck and a abuser, but I knew that wasnt true; shes a compulsive liar. He died of lung cancer and I saw him slowly become frail and weak - losing all his hair from the constant chemo treatments he was receiving. He didnt look like the father I once knew, he looked more and more like fuckin Gandhi. But I still loved him, he was the only person I cared for and God took him away from me, its bullshit. After his death, my older brother Sage, my mom, and I immigrated to Toronto from Bombay. I felt like a refugee in Darfur, we were poor, hungry, and cold. See after my father's death - my family went through a financial crisis, since he was the only breadwinner of the family. We were on the Canadian welfare system, saving every penny and my maa was working under the tables at local restaurants were they paid cash. I felt sick, disgusted, like a parasite to the Canadian government. I didnt wanna live my life this way and everyone around me was changing. My brother Sage was growing up and only cared for himself; he was a self-fish prick. My mother, was seeing someone new every month; she was the local gold-digger trying to provide a "better" living for "all of us"; bullshit. How I hated my life. We eventually got outta the slums in Regent Park and moved away to Sherbourne when I was 14. We had gotten out the welfare system and as my mom liked to say "we were climbing the social ladder". hahaha, what a petty thing to say. Anyways, I entered highschool with my head high, thinking that it was going to be a new beginning for me. Was I fucken wrong. I knew it from the first day, that highschool was just my life within boundaries and different people - same old shit different day. People seemed to think I was some weirdo, just because I didnt wear your Abercrombie and Bitch clothes or your local thug wear. I didnt care what they thought, I was gonna be myself, no matter the circumstances. I wasnt "slick" with the ladies and I wasnt the captain of the basketball team. I didnt talk much, but I was tended to pretty well in school. My favourite subject was chemistry, something about it was so riveting. It was like, you can mix the good with the bad and create something amazing. Thats how I wanted my life to be, kinda ironic, isnt it?

Anyways, after my first year, my mom thought, I was "depressed and lonely", didnt believe a word outta that womens mouth. Anyways, i was dragged to the psychologist and long story short i was diagnosed with depression. They gave me these little pills and say that its gonna make me feel better, cheer me up like happy Gilmour. Nothing has happened, but for some reason, it does ease down the memories of the past. I love taking it, and i cant live without them. My knees get weak, eyes get red, i feel relaxed. I love the feeling. Every once in a while i attend these sessions with a psychologist to talk about my anger issues, feelings, its kinda retarded. It doesnt even help me express myself.

All I wanted outta life was to be accepted, to belong to someone, and be heard. I want someone to share my feelings with, and it feels like noone is there fore me. My mom is to busy making money, my brother is off leading his own life, while I reminiscence of what coulda been. For some reason, theres this girl I liked since highschool, Martina, she just seems like everything i want in a girl. From her looks, to her, very presence. I feel like, she can really understand me, and i can really understand her. She doesnt seem to think that though, shes too concerned with what others are gonna think or do. I feel like, there is something deeper inside of her,that she just wants to let out. Most guys label her as the slut, whore, someone selling her body. I hate it, when they see that, to me shes like..like..something beyond words. I wish she felt the same way for me. Fuck I sound so retarded now, like a obsessive lover.

I need to change my life, my outlook, I need to figure everything out. But I need help, even though I hate admitting that. I wish someone would come talk to me, Drama class is the only place, where I can forget about my past and immerse myself in a different setting and become someone else. Its my only therapy, my only hope.

Monologue Reminder / Accessories

Hello all,

I see that a couple of you have posted your character monologues (first person - "My name is .....") Well done!
But many have not ventured yet.

You all only have one day left to do this very valuable exploration of your character's voice, so please get cracking. The deadline is Sunday's meeting.

From now on you will be receiving each other's posts in your email Inbox, as I have linked the blog to googlegroups.

Here is another bit of homework: Please bring with you AT LEAST 2 ITEMS OF CLOTHING, OR ACCESSORIES OF YOUR CHARACTER.
Could be shades, belt, shoes, book, or anything else.

Look forward to seeing you all on Sunday
Love
FA

Kimberly's Monologue

Hi I’m Kim. I am 16 years old and in grade 11. I live with my mom and my half sister Giselle in Toronto. I sometimes stay with my dad on weekends but he is not really regular with that. My sister is one year younger than me, but she fast-tracked so we’re in the same grade. We really don’t get along. Her entire essence and being bothers me to be honest. Life just seems so much easier for her in all aspects. And why?—I don’t know, just straight luck. Just goes to show how little control we have over our own lives. Guess I just must have called tails on God’s coin toss when it was heads.

You could say I’m angry. Angry at exactly who I don’t know, but I’m angry at my life and how ugly it is. I partially blame my mom for making so many mistakes and choices that I have to pay for now. The first was having a kid with a total dead beat 16 years ago. A black dead beat at that. It was a little girl and she named her Kimberly. The second would be getting knocked up AGAIN right after… with a different dude. This dude was white and had a good job and was happy for a baby and thought she was gift from heaven. I guess there’s something wrong with my mom though, because he left her too. But he never left his little angel, Giselle. So here’s this white woman now with two illegitimate children of different races. She would say who cares and what difference does it make, it’s just colour. But I see how people stare at us, at me—the only part that doesn’t seem to fit the pattern even though I came first. She thinks I don’t know, but I know why we never see any of her family anymore, not even granny. I over heard her talking to Auntie Lisa on the phone saying that two summer’s ago when we went up North to a cottage Auntie Ann was saying to her and granny that “ya know, Kim is really pretty for being half black”. I’m guessing there was some sort of blow out or argument and Auntie Ann wasn’t the only one who felt that way, because we haven’t seen any of them since. My own grandmother! Now you tell me race doesn’t matter. Of course mom can barely afford to feed and house us and Dad’s child support cheques are FAR and in between. Giselle’s dad does his share but he only has one kid to support in our house remember. She has some new gadget every week and I know she always comes home with new clothes or jewelry from daddy dearest even though she tries to hide it. Mom tries to get me some extras once and a while when she can but I told her it’s lame and I know what she’s doing. This brings me to mom’s mistake number three: thinking I’m going to sit there and take all the bullshit she’s thrown at me and call us a family. What are the functions of a family? Whatever they are, they’re not being sustained here. So, I made my own family: Martina and Shyla, my girls.

Me and my girls are a unit. We’re tight and don’t fuck around. We love each other and we support each other. We hustle, we grind and we get the things we need. There’s nothing out of our reach with the three of us together. TT, Shy and I run the halls of our high school. Nobody messes with us and I know who I am there. I realize that I can’t afford to live on my own yet, so I still live at home, but I have become really skilled at using the people around me to get what I want. I keep my grades up which keeps my mom appeased so she doesn’t ask me questions and I can run my business. Putting food in the house and giving us transportation money is pretty much as far as her parenting goes. She’s not really home often because she works two jobs, so I just delete the messages from the vice principal when I get suspended for fights or skipping. If it really comes down to it, I can convince my dad to call into the school to back me up, by crying racism. He doesn’t believe in the education institute anyway. As far as he’s concerned everyone’s racist. And Giselle, she keeps her mouth shut. She wouldn’t dare tell on me, because she knows she’ll have hell to pay. They’re all so predictable.

Shyla, TT and I get into a lot of shit. We drink, we party, and smoke weed. We just want to have fun and not think about how much life sucks. We make money whenever and however we can whether it’s stealing, dealing, fucking some chump, whatever. I always have to look fly and rock the latest shit so I do what I have to do to get it. I don’t really care what the law says is right or wrong because I don’t think the law was made for people like me. Giselle is on my case all the time with her stupid ass, but like my dad says she was born on the right side of the law and she’ll never get it. Despite his drunkenness and irresponsibility my dad has taught me a lot about the world I live in and what it means to be black. He taught me to be realistic and that life is not a fairy tale. There are barriers and walls everywhere for black people he says and don’t think that being half white makes me exempt. I don’t take offense to this because I know that he’s just trying to make me stronger. This is his way of loving me. He told me that my mom will never understand. And she doesn’t. I know for sure she loves me, but we just can’t relate. I guess in this case it’s what’s on the outside that counts.

You know what maybe that’s true for everything in life. Fuck being a good person and looking for the best in others. That’s bullshit and you just get hurt. It’s all about what do you have and what can you do for me. You have to be tough and fierce because animals prey on the weak and we’re all just animals. What do I see in my future? Well, I don’t ever want to end up like my mom; she got fucked over in all senses of the word. I used to think I wanted to get married and have a family so I could prove to myself that happy families do exist, but more and more everyday this becomes a fading image. I don’t think that that kind of trust and devotion from a man is possible. I know I want to get out of this ghetto. I don’t want to hustle the rest of my life it’s just all I know how to do right now. I really love music and TT and I were thinking maybe of writing some songs and making our own album. We haven’t thought of a name yet for the group but, either way it’ll be hot. And then if we make lots of money I’ll adopt a bunch of poor black children, move far away and give them a life no one ever thought possible. There’s a dream. That would be nice. And maybe I’d actually have the chance to be happy in this life.

Ok, now back to reality.

Technical difficulties...

Hmmm... My last 2 blog entries have been partially-obscured for no apparent reason. I blame the Tories' new commitment to censorship...

I suppose I didn't really have too much new information to impart, but I'm excited at the prospect of our evolving project - and the many lessons we will all learn in the following months...

Be brave artists young and old, veteran and fledgling. We are about to make to some magic...

Bobman

Improvs...

Last night's planning meeting went very well. We are all very pleased with the evolution of our project, and we have reached a comfort zone where we can disagree with each other without malice. It's quite a luxury to be able to create over such an extended period of time, and our growth as artists mirrors the story (coming together piece by piece).

I foresee great piles of work for the future, but work we will collectively attack with poise, grace and fire. Our group ambition will get us there. We need only check our egos at the rehearsal door, give ourselves up to FAS' process and live somewhere that doesn't exist yet...

I look forward to continuing this journey with all you Sunday, my fellow artists: young and old, veteran and fledgling, but all, yes ALL, uniformly brave...

Bobman

Giselle

I am Giselle. I am sixteen years old and I skipped a grade. I live with my mom most of the time, but occasionally visit my dad because my brother lives with him. I want to do something great with my life; become a doctor or a teacher maybe. But I fnd it more and more difficult to find the motivation I need to begin realising that dream. I do really well in school, except my grades have slipped since I entered grade eleven. I'm really supposed to be in grade ten, but I did so well in grade nine, and took some online courses over the summer, so the school promoted me. I was so proud of myself until I stepped into my drama class. First period of the day, and I find myself face to face with my half-sister, Kimberley. I can't figure out what it was exactly that sparked our mutual hatred for one another, but ever since that time I have found no joy in being related to her. It wasn't so bad before; she was a year ahead of me and we stuck to our own circles and everything was okay. The only conflict really arose at home, but she'd usually go running to her dad's house and that would give my blood a chance to stop boiling. Unfortunately, now I'm stuck in class with her, so contact is unavoidable. I love the arts; particularly drama, but that love really is fading now. I'm so concerned with defening myself against Kimberley and her little posse that I can't concentrate on my work. I'm not a fighter, but I won't be walked all over, either. I think people underestimate me because I present myself as a mild-mannered bookworm, but there's more to me than that. I'm a thinker. I'd much rather hurt someone with words than with fists, and I'm smart enough to be able to hurt people without getting caught. I think that may be why Kimberley resents me. She's so caught up in being the center of attention, and the one everyone looks up to, that she knows nothing other than violence. I could have easily turned out that way, but I made a choice early on to not count myself out of a race before I'd even signed up. I don't give up. My sister does. I have a secret, but I'm still trying to figure it all out in my head, so it's still a secret form myself as much as it is from anyone else. I get along with Raef, but I don't like him that much. He never smiles. I don't think he knows how, and I personally don't believe in walking around with a rain cloud over my head all the time. Life's too short to spend it in misery. But I do know where he's coming from. He's younger than everyone in the class, and he can't handle Kimberley and the crew as well as me, because it's unfamiliar to him. I just wish he'd lighten up a bit. Find some humour in the situation. But I'm glad to have him, jsut the same. At least we can share the role of punching bag.

WHO I'AM

I been labeled, I been talked about and I been hated. Most of all I been alone and left to survive, Hi my name is Martina I'm 16 and I'm an Confused Teen. I ain't your average girl, I do things that others find wrong and corrupt. Maybe if you lived my life for one day you would understand. My parents got divorced when I was real young, after my dad left my mom lost the hope of living on her own and left me to some foster parents. Later on they grew tired of me so now I'm living in a TeenHomeShelter. I haven't heard from My mom since or my dad. Who know's where that fool is. I have a brother his name is Jay he's 20 I don't know who he is, I wonder is sometimes he feels guilty for not being there for me and helping me out or taking me in when I had no one else. I guess guilt can eat you inside. I'm not gonna lie or say I'm a good girl. I know I'm not, and my peers seem to see that to. Drugs have been my escape towards life and the pain I suffered, it takes me away from my problems. Money hasn't been an issue since sometimes I do sell my body because I need the money to survive the next day. So school is pretty much my **Money-Maker** and where I' am labeled and seen as the school SLUT. I got my 2 girls that I can call Family something I don't have. Kimberly and Shay la, honestly I don't know where I would be if I didn't have them. I know I wouldn't be alive, Their my escape. They get me and I get them. We go through shit together that no one else understands and would judge use. I don't know what the meaning of family is but it's( people that will never judge you,there for you no matter what situation with true unconditional love and that support you) then I'm proud to call them My family. This is me an Angry Teen

You either get me or you Don't

Hero's Trial

So apparently, crime rates (firearms) are down in Toronto, as well as Canada. Stabbings are more prevalent. Now the funny thing about that is when I heard it on the tv news, the reporter made it sound like it was such a good thing and it got me thinking: THIS IS "GOOD" NEWS?

It's beginning to look like we live in a real world Gotham City waiting for it's hero to emerge and bring salvation for its future. This is how I feel; almost as if we have to turn towards fiction for hope of change and it's becoming ridiculous. We shouldn't have to say to ourselves "if only superheros were real." I personally find myself thinking that all the time. It's come down to an endless backslide, almost as if it will NEVER end.

No matter what. there will always be a misled child that starts packing heat because no one is around to tell him otherwise. And it will continue to stay that way because before the people band together, they sit on their couches and stare at the news with wonder and amazement talking about ". . .someone needs to do something." Why not you? We blame music, movies and television before we take a look around and realize that people are sitting on their porches, balconies and doorsteps watching their community wither away, instead of making movements. No one man, woman or child can accomplish change all by themselves. United we stand, divided we fall.

School Violence: It's No Longer New

School violence: The shocking thing is we're not shocked anymore.

Rob Roberts from The National Post wrote an article on school violence and how it's no longer as shocking as it was before:

"Another day, another school lockdown. When I began in this business two decades ago, no one had ever heard of lockdowns. Now it is part of the language for teenagers who practise lockdowns as I once practised fire drills. Today, there was a stabbing outside Albert Campbell Collegiate Institute, which led to the lockdown at the Scarborough high school. There was a time we would interrupt regular programming and broadcast live on the air, our news chopper flying above, the satellite truck on scene, but not anymore. Such incidents have become so commonplace we don’t always report them. In our afternoon editorial meeting at Global, where we decide the line-up of our nightly "News Hour" broadcast, today’s lockdown was bumped down to a part of the broadcast usually reserved for features, after the health news, even after the weather forecast. As a city, we should not — cannot — become numb to a school lockdown. One student has already died on school property, and all the signs suggest it will happen again. Perhaps it's no coincidence we don't hear it called 'Toronto the good' anymore."

He was right. Why is it that now when a crisis breaks out, a school locks down, or someone gets killed, it's all old news, not even worthy for the front page? This just goes to show what Toronto is coming to. The once peaceful city is now slowly being consumed by all this evil and not enough people are getting involved. How many more have to die for us to be shocked once again?

For me it’s a scary thought going into high school in a few weeks. The basic worries of grade school, such as whose turn is it on the climbers, have upgraded to being stabbed or shot or robbed coming home from school. I bet quite a few kids my age going into high school have the same feeling of anxiety about what could happen. Hopefully by the time I get to school my fear will have died down but for now, I don’t see my nerves settling any time soon.

The Best I've Ever Written

And I Wonder. . .

I'm picking at my pad with a really sharp pencil,
wondering which stencil should I follow?
Don't want to wallow in my downfall,
So I start thinking "I want it all."
But how can I get it sitting in a stall?
So I get up,
Fold down the seat,
Left the toilet behind my feet.
So I'm walking down the street,
And it's looking bleak, cause all the people that I meet say the same thing.
They want it,
But they can't get it.
They need it,
but they don't wanna fight for it.

At this point, I've stopped in my tracks,
And I'm looking back.
I start thinking that's just it.
I'd rather sit and have a fit instead of getting what I want....

IT

IT sits there,
In the back of your head,
And when you got to bed,
IT's still there.
Whether you know IT's there,
Or if you just don't care,
IT'll find you.
Or when you're ready,
You'll find IT

And I wonder, if you know, what it means, to find your dream.....

Emotions...

Hi all,

This post is mostly for the younger members of our troupe.

I know that many of you were overwhelmed by some of the emotional work we did Sunday. I think this is a positive sign. In the professional world, you must be able to access the entire range of emotions in the world's existence. Part of your development as professionals involves the exploration and control of your deepest, darkest thoughts, feelings, fears and joys.

Nobody wants to push you to go somewhere you don't want to go, but I promise you that the deeper you are willing to investigate, the greater will be the rewards when you return from the journey...

Your emotional truth is always present - whether you care to admit it or not. We (the audience) know when you're vulnerable, when you're honest, when you're scared, when you're putting up walls, when you are speaking directly from your giant hearts...

I know it's scary, but we will all be here to support you and hold you up as part of our team. We are all in this together, and nobody will judge you for having feelings. We are all human. We all feel pain, joy, hope, hopelessness, ecstasy, depression, anger, etc. All of these emotions are OKAY. And good, even.

But once you master them, I promise that the magic of acting will thrill you even more than you have ever dreamed...

Bobman

My Philosophy on Racism

At the end of the day when the hot seat subject was "the racist act you done to someone" I was inching to speak because I felt throughout the day the term "racism" was confused with bigotry prejudice and maybe ( a term I'll coin right here) racial bias, all of which are byproducts of racism. I didn't believe anyone in the room had the power to perform a "racist" act. thats because I define the term "racism" differently than the establishment does. because the establishment is inherently racist any definition of the term "racism" that comes from them will be tainted with an agenda to maintain racism. so lets play a word game
rac(e)-ism I look at as it akin to capital-ism, social-ism, commun-ism, even Buddh(a)-ism or Juda-ism, its a belief or doctrine. I'll quote dictionary.com for a definition because I believe its apt:

( http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/racism )

racism is:
"a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others."

so let me put myself back on the hot seat; when did I perform a racist act on someone?
honestly, I don't think I ever have but let me tell you a story:
In early elementary school when I moved back with my mom after a long story. (grade 3 ) Because of my light complexion and African features and hair there was a debate going on between my classmates: is Michael black or white? this girl (black girl with dark complexion, who I later found out had a crush on me) would say "he's white" and I hated hearing that, (this was just after my mom told me my dad was black, from Jamaica) the other kids would say naw "he's black, he's both, he's mixed" a light skinned girl would always put her arm next to mine we were just about the same complexion but I was the new kid so I got the slack. I just wanted to put this debate to an end I wish it didn't matter but it did, I didn't want to be considered white. When it was time to show of my speed in track I wooped everybody hard!!! high jump, long jump, you name it I was a track superstar I won relay at the big meets I was so good that I got invited to special meet but my schedual started at 9am. I had to compete in:

100 meters
75 meter hurdles
400 meters
long jump
high jump
triple jump

and I was in grade 5!!! fuck that the debate was over and dead so I didn't bother with killing myself to impress my coach (who was black).
but I naturally loved basketball and I was good. I played with style a "streetballer". When "White man can't jump came out" I was a leaper swatting anything in the paint grabbing boards over everyone and I did it in STYLE!!!!! I made people look stupid. I was dunking 10 feet rims with two hands off a vertical at the age of 15. But I never joined the team cause I saw how teachers would tell kids "if you don't go to class now your off the team" I was like ha, fuck dat I ain't giving'em that kind of leverage, ain't nobody making the NBA so I'd rather smoke my weed and freestlyle. So the best baller in the school didn't play on the team. I smoked the most weed of my life in high school but on the real we were disciplined. After every spliff we would freestyle, weed was way to get extra creative and I tore it up!!! I spit (rap) fire to right up until now.

One day me and my friends were at my apartment freestyling (my mom was "cool" so my place was the spot even on national skip off day) and we were dropping the "N" bomb all over the place when my mom burst into my room in tears "I hate that word!!!!, I hate it!, I hate it!." me and my friends were shocked I mean my mom was cool with everything I swore in front her, (not at her) she knew I smoked weed, but after that, the "N" bomb was never used in my house again until I was older and I used it in political context (rarely). That was the beginning of her opening up to me about her past growing up in england.

The best way to describe my mom is that she looked like Maria Carry (when my mom was young that is) with blue eyes and nappy hair but while I was growing up she straightened it just cause thats the style she wanted, So I never knew that my mom went through hard racism and bigotry until I was at an age where she felt I could grasp it. Up until that time I thought I was "half black". Racism is what makes me black. On the real my skin color is light brown or beige but I will take offense to anyone who tries to Willie Lynch me into thinking that I'm not black. I have to carry the burden of being born into a family thats completely shattered because no one would raise my half breed grandma except nuns in an orphanage, and when she came of age she had to work as a live in servant and people begrudged paying her so she had to move 27 times where her daughter (my mother) who was greeted everyday at school with "nigger" isolation and discrimination. I have to carry the burden of my mom's mental illness due to the fact that she was confused about who she was constantly hearing things like " I never knew niggers could have blue eyes". This is what makes me black

so thinking that running fast, jumping high, playing ball with style, spitten that hot freestyle, growing up in "da hood", rollen with my flag, cutting class and ignoring university would keep that debate thats been dead since grade 3 from resurrecting, is the racist act I committed against myself.


Poster_Child

My name is Kimberly, and I'm a fighter.

This is just the beginning (a very exciting beginning) and just by being given a name i feel like Kimberly has sprung to life. In the short few hours that we spent together yesterday doing exercises, I have already fallen in love with her. Fallen in love is the perfect phrase because all I feel to do is protect her, see her prosper and find her happiness. There is so much complexity to her. She is conflicted and sensitive and feeds on her pain. What struck me almost immediately when discussing our feelings about our assigned words was how drawn I was to the word "victim", while my word was "fighter". Then I realized that victim and fighter do not exist independently for the fighter is indeed a fighter because of their fear of becoming victim. And the victim always craves to be the fighter.

Throughout the improv I have also fallen in love with Kimberly's friends Shyla and Martina and understand the urgency for them to stick together. They create a triangle of balance between fighter (me), victim (Martina) and reason (Shyla). And interestingly enough, Gena hit the nail on the head when she said that the individuals in our clique were weak on their own. This is something I believe all three of us felt.

I also felt the tension between Kimberly and her sister, Giselle. I have to say it was easy to hate and use her, because her vulnerability was so potent and apparent, and consequently irresistible to me as such an insecure character. Kimberly, well I, will have to learn to love her, and I think that this is a conflict that can be paralleled within the story.

The whole process of the workshop was definitely an emotional roller coaster for me and there really wasn't much "acting" happening on my part. Though I know opening up yourself to all possible feelings is said to be the objective in this setting, I must admit that parts of yesterday's workshop were completely embarrassing to me. I've always wished to have more control over my composure because I don't like feeling or appearing vulnerable. So I want to thank everyone for being totally supportive and hopefully this is something I will be able to work on throughout our meetings. And Bobby, no more of those exercises OK!! Lol, just kidding :). Overall, this was an extremely insightful and productive workshop. Coodos everyone.

Violent Acts

From The Globe and Mail

Examples of violent incidents involving Toronto public school students:

February, 2006 - A high-school student was in a laneway behind the school passing a rifle back and forth with another student. Shots were fired into a window at the back of a house.
February, 2006 - Two female secondary-school students were in a conflict over a boy. One girl brought a knife to school and used it to threaten the other girl. Police investigated and cautioned the girl with the knife. The school issued a 20-day suspension.
April, 2006 - Five secondary-school students robbed another student of his MP3 player at the back of the school. The victim was searched for money but only had 25 cents in his wallet, which the suspects took. All five students were arrested and charged with robbery.
September, 2006 - A male secondary-school teacher entered the staff washroom and caught two students engaged in a sex act. Both students were taken to the office and the administration called the police. Even though the sex act was determined to be consensual, criminal charges were laid against the male student because of the age of the female. The school was to discipline the female student.
March, 2007 - A male student at a high school tried to drag a female student into the washroom to perform fellatio. She broke free and ran to the principal. When arresting the male, police found 10 dime bags of marijuana.
May, 2007 - A student brought a BB gun to school and shot at two students. The student was charged by police.
September, 2007 - Several boys were allegedly involved in the sexual initiation of a female high-school student, who told a teacher about the incident. Police are investigating.
November, 2007 - A secondary-school student assaulted another student with a knife on school property. Police arrested the student and told him to keep away from the school. The principal issued a 20-day suspension pending possible expulsion.

The Experience

Characters

This workshop was definitely an emotional roller coaster for me. I had no idea that I would have been able to open up so much and become ‘moderately’ vulnerable. I also noticed that the more relaxed I felt while doing improv, the more I could just ‘be’. Going into this process I was a bit shy, so I find it very ironic that my character’s name is Shyla (or “Shy” for short).
Shyla became a part of me as I began to explore her emotions, decision making process, and relationships. Shyla struggles with the internal conflict of good vs. evil. She tries very hard to make the right decisions because she has a dream in life that she wants to achieve. Her bad side is displayed when she is with her best friends’ Kimberly and Martina; nevertheless, Shyla still is the conscience of the group. They have a very dynamic clique and I believe the conflicts the clique has with other characters, and within itself will be very attention-grabbing. I also believe that Ben may be the one to help the clique when they are in trouble.
Vusani brought out the indecisiveness within Shyla because he caught her off guard by being very blunt. However, he just might be able to bring out Shyla’s more promiscuous side as she desires to be more like her friends. If the relationship between Giselle and Vusani develops, tension may mount up as his ‘player –like’ qualities are revealed.
Shyla and Adam have a remarkably strong sibling relationship. Although they do get into disagreements, it is mostly out of love. I see the potential for Adam to get into a lot of trouble defending Shyla. In addition, the true bravery and strength of Shyla’s character may end up surprising a lot of people.

Overall the story is beginning to come together and I cannot wait to see how it all plays out!

today is sunday is art

hearts open
and close
and never again
and forever
and always

i love you
i hate you
for always
and ever

i can't forget my pain
and yours
and that of your friend

we are all in this together now
adults all, young and old, friends

trust
trust
trust

trust me and i will ride you on my back until you can walk again
we will travel together along this darkened road
and at the end,
at the end,
at the end of it all,

we will all be together, changed

my learnings

today was an amazing and busy day for me, because of the exercises that dealt a lot with being centered and having a deeper concentration, I felt that I connected to that part of my being and Vusani became me and we were for some time one being, although the character drew out of my own experiences in life, I felt like I touched new ground that could open up a new world for development and exploration! I enjoyed working with adam because after that it really felt like I knew him for 15 years since a lot of social barriers had vanished and we were just showing our mutual respect for eachother. I also enjoyed working with shayla, who was acting like a typical girl that plays hard to get but once you have opened her to her wild side and she lets you explore that level of trust, she is a really fun girl to be with. I also enjoyed the white girl I think by the name of nicola, who was playing the innocent school girl that is all about school marks but that always fantasizes what true romance would feel like!

School violence blamed on poverty, gangs

from The Globe and Mail

Mayor's message overshadowed by stabbing at a suburban Brampton high school yesterday

TIMOTHY APPLEBY AND JOHN LORINC

With reports from Anthony Capuano and Unnati Gandhi

Negative headlines stemming from a contentious report on violence and sex assaults in Toronto high schools could trigger a middle-class exodus from Canada's largest public-school system because the coverage has failed to stress that problems occur predominantly in neighbourhoods plagued by poverty and gangs, Mayor David Miller says.

Within hours, however, came more bad news, and from no urban ghetto: In the foyer of a normally placid high school in suburban Brampton, northwest of Toronto, a 16-year-old boy was stabbed and seriously injured yesterday morning.

His alleged assailant, 17, was swiftly arrested on school premises and charged with aggravated assault, assault with a deadly weapon and carrying a concealed weapon.

As half a dozen Toronto high schools held open houses last night for students about to make the move from Grade 8 to Grade 9, there seemed little sense of panic among parents who spoke up.

"Every parent worries about their child and whether their school is safe," said Teodora Miloradovic, whose 13-year-old son will attend North Toronto Collegiate Institute in the fall. Ms. Miloradovic said she has entertained the thought of switching to the private school system but decided otherwise.

"Some people say [violence in schools] depends on the part of the city you're in, but I certainly think it can happen anywhere, regardless of economics."

The stabbing at Chinguacousy Secondary School near Bramalea Road happened shortly before 10 a.m. As tactical response units from Peel Regional Police arrived, the 1,600-pupil school was locked down for two hours.

"The suspect is a student at this school, the victim is not," said Constable J.P. Valade of Peel police.

"We heard a scuffle outside the cafeteria and I heard someone yell, 'Knife! Knife!' " said student Brian Ramarine.

The victim sustained four stab wounds on the left side of his body and is expected to recover, police said. A witness said a brawl preceded the stabbing. "They all started fighting, one guy came up from the side and stabbed another man in his legs," the teen told CTV.

Commissioned by the Toronto District School Board after 15-year-old Jordan Manners was fatally shot at North York's C.W. Jefferys Collegiate eight months ago, the 1,000-page report authored chiefly by Toronto lawyer Julian Falconer cites scores of violent incidents in city schools.

Among its key recommendations: sniffer dogs to detect guns concealed in school lockers; closer scrutiny of school entrances; a provincial portfolio focused on school safety; and fresh thinking about gender-based violence and cyber-bullying.

While not rejecting any of those proposals, Mr. Miller said in an interview he was dismayed at the way the leaked report was portrayed.

"I'm very, very concerned," he said. "It's not the report, it's the headlines that come from it. I'm worried those headlines will make the problems worse. The school system has to be safe, and it has to be felt to be safe."

He said he also has a sense of déjà vu.

During the Falconer panel's consultations, the mayor voiced frustration over the fact that a city-led initiative to improve community safety in 13 "priority" neighbourhoods - launched in 2004 after several high-profile shootings - appears to have foundered, chiefly because of poor co-ordination with other levels of government.

And in the interview, Mr. Miller reiterated that theme, noting that while issues of student safety and behaviour resonate citywide, schools in impoverished areas with a lack of services are radically more afflicted by violence than those in affluent neighbourhoods.

Toronto Police Services Board chair Alok Mukherjee concurred. Before joining the board, he was part of a school board task force that probed the question of safety.

"We found patterns [of violence] in certain parts of the city, especially Scarborough and the northwest," he said. "Those have been the two most affected areas."

That task force's conclusions were very similar to those of Mr. Falconer's panel, Mr. Mukherjee said.

"But the board chose not to implement them. Three years and $750,000 later, we are talking about safe schools again. My question is, what happened to those recommendations?"

What is this city coming to?

Coming back from rehearsal tonight (well, after I visited a beautiful young lady after rehearsal), I read an article that completely floored me - in a negative way. Jordan Manners' mom just avoided 7 gunshots the other day. To remind you, her son was killed in a high school near the Jane-Finch area. This mother has become a spokesperson for anti-violence, and has paradoxically been subjected to more violence since. Most recently, her daughters just avoided 7 gunshots from 2 men who tried to kill them because they/she rejected love advances.

Are you kidding me??

This is the kind of world we live in now? Where women have to FEAR THEIR LIVES if they aren't interested in every man that is attracted to them? Perhaps I'm sensitive to this because of a great girl I've been hanging out with lately, but the thought of a woman having to endure the possibility of death because she rejects unwanted sexual attention disgusts me as a man, a human being and a citizen of the earth.

Discussing the realities for youth today in this project gets so much scarier when I read newspaper stories like this. There is an URGENT need for our project to live, and I for one want to see these stupid, cowardly acts of violence end. One of these guys was basically my age too (31). I was so disgusted and disturbed by that news that I have changed my original blog idea to this rant.

What kind of world are we living in when people have to die at school? What kind of life do we have when every cat-calling male pig is a potential murderer? What kind of future can we raise our children in when teenage violent death becomes so pervasive people consider it cliche?

I do not want to live in this world, but truthfully, I'm not sure if it can be changed...

Bobman

Listening Pairs & Listening CIrcles

These are techniques that are useful as part of the group creative process.

Listening Pairs:
Two people take turns listening to each other. They both have equal time. It's a co-counselling technique which I have found to be useful in creative situations.

Listening circle:
Each person in the group has an opportunity to share their thinking, and has equal time.

Opening circle:
Welcoming the whole group. Taking time to connect, center and notice where each person is at.

Closing circle
A way of saying good bye before going off into our lives.

RULES
Everybody has equal time
No one speaks twice until everyone has spoken once
Confidentiality - what is said in the group is not repeated outside the group.

That way we create a safe space.

Meditation:
When doing intense group work its always good to make time to relax, center and calm the mind. We use simple breath meditation. Everybody has a breath so it is an easy thing to focus on.

Many thanks to you all.

Hello!

Just to thank everyone for coming out today. All of your energy and good will was amazing!

It was exciting and moving for me to see the interactions between those new to the process and those of us who have been working together for 4 years now.

I can't wait to get down to the business of building characters and story. I am already so excited by many of the ideas that were thrown out by many of you!

I will be continuing to add research links to this blog, so have a gander, and if it feels right, go ahead and post: add your own research, reflections on the process or the content of the story. Keep in mind that what you write will be available for anyone to read on the web so try to observe basic netiquette.

I want to thank you for bearing with me today. I know the location wasn't ideal and it was a bit cramped but you all handled it with humour and grace.

And apologies for being cranky once or twice. Sometimes things will come out of my mouth that should have passed through some sort of refining filter - a bit blunt. Please believe it's just my weakness talking - no offense meant. I feel so much more vulnerable when I am ill. (I think everyone does.) Not as confident or "composed".

It's the way things are right now tho, and I have to live with it, while moving forward in a positive way.

I hope the project continues to live up to your expectations!

FA

First day of the process...

It was nice to finally see the young people/teens who have ceased to be screen captures on a laptop. They live, breathe, and even talk! It's quite exciting.

Today was a great day of learning each other's names, tendencies and experiences with class/race/culture. It's not a production until Frances-Anne asks you how much your father makes a year in front of 20 people. (true story) While I'm bound to a confidentiality agreement that says I cannot reveal the secrets of the process, I will simply reveal that the rudiments of this process were established today - and they work!

Today's workshop featured various "A Winter Tale" alums, so it's nice to know that getting your head banged on a washing machine makes you friends. (Yes, that's an inside joke. Watch the movie if you want to be hip and 'with it'.) We had lots of varying actors of varying ages and levels of experience. I'm happy to report that no one has yet to use the term 'geezer' or 'silly child', so I consider it a success already. There was a rumour that one of the younger members would be a human sacrifice at the end of the day, but that has not been confirmed. Yet.

In all seriousness, it was a highly productive and entertaining day with lots of laughs, gasps and work. The younger members work diligently, the older members impart wisdom and those stuck in the middle alternate between trading war stories with the vets and trading pizza slices with the newbies. As first days go, this one was not too shabby... :)

Bobman

Character Models:

Kimberley:

Roger Leighton (the Lawyer):
Courtney Betty
Roger Rowe
Julian Falconer
Selwyn Peters

Cynthia Boyd (The Principal)
Charis Newton

Sgt Peter James (Law Enforcement)
Keith Ford
Peter Sloly

Excited!

Not sure what the main objective of this blog is, but I'll use my first one to journal a bit about my thoughts for the new project...

First, thank you to Frances-Anne for thinking of me. FAS is a truly great artist, a warm human being, and someone I admire very much. I have always learned something new each and every time I have entered a workshop process with her, and I will carry these rich experiences with me my whole life. So before anything to do with this particular project, it has already been a success in my eyes for this reason.

Now, the project...

I'm quite excited at the opportunity of taking a bit of ownership over the project as an actor. I have written quite a bit myself, but working with Frances-Anne does NOT feel like 'writing'. It feels more like an actor being given creative investment into a project in a very unique and effective way. I suppose one could write a 1500-word essay comparing and contrasting the differences between 'writing' and 'creating', but I'll sidestep the minutiae and delve into history.

Having worked with Leda Serene on 'A Winter Tale', I was quite amazed to see how the final product ended up - considering the seemingly inauspicious beginnings. I remember the unconventional first audition/interview and subsequent callback. Having worked mostly on bigger-budget film/tv projects, I assumed that this unconventional methodology was a reason to be daunted. I remember very simple outlines were ascribed to nebulous characters, rough character sketches and a loose premise equated with story. I presumed the worst, and was proven flat wrong.

The process that emerged became one of the most positive, creative and satisfying processes I've been involved with in my 10 years of being a professional actor. FAS' clear theatrical background effuses her film work with relevance and vitality, clarifying banality and transcending vapid, soulless generic screenplays into co-ops of unique vivacity and community.

I cannot say exactly how she does it, but Frances-Anne is able to foster a unique bond, a strong work ethic and, ultimately, a better film between/in/from the talented ensemble she meticulously selects. As a director, her strength is confidence in her vision - and her ability to execute that vision betrays a wealth of knowledge not commonly held by today's usual film/tv director.

It is for these reasons that I am very excited to work with her again, to jump into her process again, and to help lead a bunch of teenagers into this unique and wonderful creative opportunity. There will be harrowing experiences ahead, but in a beautiful way. And the aggregate supply of good art shall increase as a result of this synergy that will be beginning Sunday...

Bobman