Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Best I've Ever Written

And I Wonder. . .

I'm picking at my pad with a really sharp pencil,
wondering which stencil should I follow?
Don't want to wallow in my downfall,
So I start thinking "I want it all."
But how can I get it sitting in a stall?
So I get up,
Fold down the seat,
Left the toilet behind my feet.
So I'm walking down the street,
And it's looking bleak, cause all the people that I meet say the same thing.
They want it,
But they can't get it.
They need it,
but they don't wanna fight for it.

At this point, I've stopped in my tracks,
And I'm looking back.
I start thinking that's just it.
I'd rather sit and have a fit instead of getting what I want....

IT

IT sits there,
In the back of your head,
And when you got to bed,
IT's still there.
Whether you know IT's there,
Or if you just don't care,
IT'll find you.
Or when you're ready,
You'll find IT

And I wonder, if you know, what it means, to find your dream.....

Emotions...

Hi all,

This post is mostly for the younger members of our troupe.

I know that many of you were overwhelmed by some of the emotional work we did Sunday. I think this is a positive sign. In the professional world, you must be able to access the entire range of emotions in the world's existence. Part of your development as professionals involves the exploration and control of your deepest, darkest thoughts, feelings, fears and joys.

Nobody wants to push you to go somewhere you don't want to go, but I promise you that the deeper you are willing to investigate, the greater will be the rewards when you return from the journey...

Your emotional truth is always present - whether you care to admit it or not. We (the audience) know when you're vulnerable, when you're honest, when you're scared, when you're putting up walls, when you are speaking directly from your giant hearts...

I know it's scary, but we will all be here to support you and hold you up as part of our team. We are all in this together, and nobody will judge you for having feelings. We are all human. We all feel pain, joy, hope, hopelessness, ecstasy, depression, anger, etc. All of these emotions are OKAY. And good, even.

But once you master them, I promise that the magic of acting will thrill you even more than you have ever dreamed...

Bobman

My Philosophy on Racism

At the end of the day when the hot seat subject was "the racist act you done to someone" I was inching to speak because I felt throughout the day the term "racism" was confused with bigotry prejudice and maybe ( a term I'll coin right here) racial bias, all of which are byproducts of racism. I didn't believe anyone in the room had the power to perform a "racist" act. thats because I define the term "racism" differently than the establishment does. because the establishment is inherently racist any definition of the term "racism" that comes from them will be tainted with an agenda to maintain racism. so lets play a word game
rac(e)-ism I look at as it akin to capital-ism, social-ism, commun-ism, even Buddh(a)-ism or Juda-ism, its a belief or doctrine. I'll quote dictionary.com for a definition because I believe its apt:

( http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/racism )

racism is:
"a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others."

so let me put myself back on the hot seat; when did I perform a racist act on someone?
honestly, I don't think I ever have but let me tell you a story:
In early elementary school when I moved back with my mom after a long story. (grade 3 ) Because of my light complexion and African features and hair there was a debate going on between my classmates: is Michael black or white? this girl (black girl with dark complexion, who I later found out had a crush on me) would say "he's white" and I hated hearing that, (this was just after my mom told me my dad was black, from Jamaica) the other kids would say naw "he's black, he's both, he's mixed" a light skinned girl would always put her arm next to mine we were just about the same complexion but I was the new kid so I got the slack. I just wanted to put this debate to an end I wish it didn't matter but it did, I didn't want to be considered white. When it was time to show of my speed in track I wooped everybody hard!!! high jump, long jump, you name it I was a track superstar I won relay at the big meets I was so good that I got invited to special meet but my schedual started at 9am. I had to compete in:

100 meters
75 meter hurdles
400 meters
long jump
high jump
triple jump

and I was in grade 5!!! fuck that the debate was over and dead so I didn't bother with killing myself to impress my coach (who was black).
but I naturally loved basketball and I was good. I played with style a "streetballer". When "White man can't jump came out" I was a leaper swatting anything in the paint grabbing boards over everyone and I did it in STYLE!!!!! I made people look stupid. I was dunking 10 feet rims with two hands off a vertical at the age of 15. But I never joined the team cause I saw how teachers would tell kids "if you don't go to class now your off the team" I was like ha, fuck dat I ain't giving'em that kind of leverage, ain't nobody making the NBA so I'd rather smoke my weed and freestlyle. So the best baller in the school didn't play on the team. I smoked the most weed of my life in high school but on the real we were disciplined. After every spliff we would freestyle, weed was way to get extra creative and I tore it up!!! I spit (rap) fire to right up until now.

One day me and my friends were at my apartment freestyling (my mom was "cool" so my place was the spot even on national skip off day) and we were dropping the "N" bomb all over the place when my mom burst into my room in tears "I hate that word!!!!, I hate it!, I hate it!." me and my friends were shocked I mean my mom was cool with everything I swore in front her, (not at her) she knew I smoked weed, but after that, the "N" bomb was never used in my house again until I was older and I used it in political context (rarely). That was the beginning of her opening up to me about her past growing up in england.

The best way to describe my mom is that she looked like Maria Carry (when my mom was young that is) with blue eyes and nappy hair but while I was growing up she straightened it just cause thats the style she wanted, So I never knew that my mom went through hard racism and bigotry until I was at an age where she felt I could grasp it. Up until that time I thought I was "half black". Racism is what makes me black. On the real my skin color is light brown or beige but I will take offense to anyone who tries to Willie Lynch me into thinking that I'm not black. I have to carry the burden of being born into a family thats completely shattered because no one would raise my half breed grandma except nuns in an orphanage, and when she came of age she had to work as a live in servant and people begrudged paying her so she had to move 27 times where her daughter (my mother) who was greeted everyday at school with "nigger" isolation and discrimination. I have to carry the burden of my mom's mental illness due to the fact that she was confused about who she was constantly hearing things like " I never knew niggers could have blue eyes". This is what makes me black

so thinking that running fast, jumping high, playing ball with style, spitten that hot freestyle, growing up in "da hood", rollen with my flag, cutting class and ignoring university would keep that debate thats been dead since grade 3 from resurrecting, is the racist act I committed against myself.


Poster_Child

Monday, July 28, 2008

My name is Kimberly, and I'm a fighter.

This is just the beginning (a very exciting beginning) and just by being given a name i feel like Kimberly has sprung to life. In the short few hours that we spent together yesterday doing exercises, I have already fallen in love with her. Fallen in love is the perfect phrase because all I feel to do is protect her, see her prosper and find her happiness. There is so much complexity to her. She is conflicted and sensitive and feeds on her pain. What struck me almost immediately when discussing our feelings about our assigned words was how drawn I was to the word "victim", while my word was "fighter". Then I realized that victim and fighter do not exist independently for the fighter is indeed a fighter because of their fear of becoming victim. And the victim always craves to be the fighter.

Throughout the improv I have also fallen in love with Kimberly's friends Shyla and Martina and understand the urgency for them to stick together. They create a triangle of balance between fighter (me), victim (Martina) and reason (Shyla). And
interestingly enough, Gena hit the nail on the head when she said that the individuals in our clique were weak on their own. This is something I believe all three of us felt.

I also felt the tension between Kimberly and her sister, Giselle. I have to say it was easy to hate and use her, because her vulnerability was so potent and apparent, and consequently irresistible to me as such an insecure character. Kimberly, well I, will have to learn to love her, and I think that this is a conflict that can be paralleled within the story.

The whole process of the workshop was definitely an emotional roller coaster for me and there really wasn't much "acting" happening on my part. Though I know opening up yourself to all possible feelings is said to be the objective in this setting, I must admit that parts of yesterday's workshop were completely embarrassing to me. I've always wished to have more control over my composure because I don't like feeling or appearing vulnerable. So I want to thank everyone for being totally supportive and hopefully this is something I will be able to work on throughout our meetings. And Bobby, no more of those exercises OK!! Lol, just kidding :). Overall, this was an extremely insightful and productive workshop. Coodos everyone.

Violent Acts

From The Globe and Mail

Examples of violent incidents involving Toronto public school students:

February, 2006 -
A high-school student was in a laneway behind the school passing a rifle back and forth with another student. Shots were fired into a window at the back of a house.
February, 2006 - Two female secondary-school students were in a conflict over a boy. One girl brought a knife to school and used it to threaten the other girl. Police investigated and cautioned the girl with the knife. The school issued a 20-day suspension.
April, 2006 - Five secondary-school students robbed another student of his MP3 player at the back of the school. The victim was searched for money but only had 25 cents in his wallet, which the suspects took. All five students were arrested and charged with robbery.
September, 2006 - A male secondary-school teacher entered the staff washroom and caught two students engaged in a sex act. Both students were taken to the office and the administration called the police. Even though the sex act was determined to be consensual, criminal charges were laid against the male student because of the age of the female. The school was to discipline the female student.
March, 2007 - A male student at a high school tried to drag a female student into the washroom to perform fellatio. She broke free and ran to the principal. When arresting the male, police found 10 dime bags of marijuana.
May, 2007 - A student brought a BB gun to school and shot at two students. The student was charged by police.
September, 2007 - Several boys were allegedly involved in the sexual initiation of a female high-school student, who told a teacher about the incident. Police are investigating.
November, 2007 - A secondary-school student assaulted another student with a knife on school property. Police arrested the student and told him to keep away from the school. The principal issued a 20-day suspension pending possible expulsion.

The Experience

Characters

This workshop was definitely an emotional roller coaster for me. I had no idea that I would have been able to open up so much and become ‘moderately’ vulnerable. I also noticed that the more relaxed I felt while doing improv, the more I could just ‘be’. Going into this process I was a bit shy, so I find it very ironic that my character’s name is Shyla (or “Shy” for short).
Shyla became a part of me as I began to explore her emotions, decision making process, and relationships. Shyla struggles with the internal conflict of good vs. evil. She tries very hard to make the right decisions because she has a dream in life that she wants to achieve. Her bad side is displayed when she is with her best friends’ Kimberly and Martina; nevertheless, Shyla still is the conscience of the group. They have a very dynamic clique and I believe the conflicts the clique has with other characters, and within itself will be very attention-grabbing. I also believe that Ben may be the one to help the clique when they are in trouble.
Vusani brought out the indecisiveness within Shyla because he caught her off guard by being very blunt. However, he just might be able to bring out Shyla’s more promiscuous side as she desires to be more like her friends. If the relationship between Giselle and Vusani develops, tension may mount up as his ‘player –like’ qualities are revealed.
Shyla and Adam have a remarkably strong sibling relationship. Although they do get into disagreements, it is mostly out of love. I see the potential for Adam to get into a lot of trouble defending Shyla. In addition, the true bravery and strength of Shyla’s character may end up surprising a lot of people.

Overall the story is beginning to come together and I cannot wait to see how it all plays out!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

today is sunday is art

hearts open
and close
and never again
and forever
and always

i love you
i hate you
for always
and ever

i can't forget my pain
and yours
and that of your friend

we are all in this together now
adults all, young and old, friends

trust
trust
trust

trust me and i will ride you on my back until you can walk again
we will travel together along this darkened road
and at the end,
at the end,
at the end of it all,

we will all be together, changed


my learnings

today was an amazing and busy day for me, because of the exercises that dealt a lot with being centered and having a deeper concentration, I felt that I connected to that part of my being and Vusani became me and we were for some time one being, although the character drew out of my own experiences in life, I felt like I touched new ground that could open up a new world for development and exploration! I enjoyed working with adam because after that it really felt like I knew him for 15 years since a lot of social barriers had vanished and we were just showing our mutual respect for eachother. I also enjoyed working with shayla, who was acting like a typical girl that plays hard to get but once you have opened her to her wild side and she lets you explore that level of trust, she is a really fun girl to be with. I also enjoyed the white girl I think by the name of nicola, who was playing the innocent school girl that is all about school marks but that always fantasizes what true romance would feel like!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

School violence blamed on poverty, gangs

from The Globe and Mail

Mayor's message overshadowed by stabbing at a suburban Brampton high school yesterday

TIMOTHY APPLEBY AND JOHN LORINC

With reports from Anthony Capuano and Unnati Gandhi

Negative headlines stemming from a contentious report on violence and sex assaults in Toronto high schools could trigger a middle-class exodus from Canada's largest public-school system because the coverage has failed to stress that problems occur predominantly in neighbourhoods plagued by poverty and gangs, Mayor David Miller says.

Within hours, however, came more bad news, and from no urban ghetto: In the foyer of a normally placid high school in suburban Brampton, northwest of Toronto, a 16-year-old boy was stabbed and seriously injured yesterday morning.

His alleged assailant, 17, was swiftly arrested on school premises and charged with aggravated assault, assault with a deadly weapon and carrying a concealed weapon.

As half a dozen Toronto high schools held open houses last night for students about to make the move from Grade 8 to Grade 9, there seemed little sense of panic among parents who spoke up.

"Every parent worries about their child and whether their school is safe," said Teodora Miloradovic, whose 13-year-old son will attend North Toronto Collegiate Institute in the fall. Ms. Miloradovic said she has entertained the thought of switching to the private school system but decided otherwise.

"Some people say [violence in schools] depends on the part of the city you're in, but I certainly think it can happen anywhere, regardless of economics."

The stabbing at Chinguacousy Secondary School near Bramalea Road happened shortly before 10 a.m. As tactical response units from Peel Regional Police arrived, the 1,600-pupil school was locked down for two hours.

"The suspect is a student at this school, the victim is not," said Constable J.P. Valade of Peel police.

"We heard a scuffle outside the cafeteria and I heard someone yell, 'Knife! Knife!' " said student Brian Ramarine.

The victim sustained four stab wounds on the left side of his body and is expected to recover, police said. A witness said a brawl preceded the stabbing. "They all started fighting, one guy came up from the side and stabbed another man in his legs," the teen told CTV.

Commissioned by the Toronto District School Board after 15-year-old Jordan Manners was fatally shot at North York's C.W. Jefferys Collegiate eight months ago, the 1,000-page report authored chiefly by Toronto lawyer Julian Falconer cites scores of violent incidents in city schools.

Among its key recommendations: sniffer dogs to detect guns concealed in school lockers; closer scrutiny of school entrances; a provincial portfolio focused on school safety; and fresh thinking about gender-based violence and cyber-bullying.

While not rejecting any of those proposals, Mr. Miller said in an interview he was dismayed at the way the leaked report was portrayed.

"I'm very, very concerned," he said. "It's not the report, it's the headlines that come from it. I'm worried those headlines will make the problems worse. The school system has to be safe, and it has to be felt to be safe."

He said he also has a sense of déjà vu.

During the Falconer panel's consultations, the mayor voiced frustration over the fact that a city-led initiative to improve community safety in 13 "priority" neighbourhoods - launched in 2004 after several high-profile shootings - appears to have foundered, chiefly because of poor co-ordination with other levels of government.

And in the interview, Mr. Miller reiterated that theme, noting that while issues of student safety and behaviour resonate citywide, schools in impoverished areas with a lack of services are radically more afflicted by violence than those in affluent neighbourhoods.

Toronto Police Services Board chair Alok Mukherjee concurred. Before joining the board, he was part of a school board task force that probed the question of safety.

"We found patterns [of violence] in certain parts of the city, especially Scarborough and the northwest," he said. "Those have been the two most affected areas."

That task force's conclusions were very similar to those of Mr. Falconer's panel, Mr. Mukherjee said.

"But the board chose not to implement them. Three years and $750,000 later, we are talking about safe schools again. My question is, what happened to those recommendations?"

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

What is this city coming to?

Coming back from rehearsal tonight (well, after I visited a beautiful young lady after rehearsal), I read an article that completely floored me - in a negative way. Jordan Manners' mom just avoided 7 gunshots the other day. To remind you, her son was killed in a high school near the Jane-Finch area. This mother has become a spokesperson for anti-violence, and has paradoxically been subjected to more violence since. Most recently, her daughters just avoided 7 gunshots from 2 men who tried to kill them because they/she rejected love advances.

Are you kidding me??

This is the kind of world we live in now? Where women have to FEAR THEIR LIVES if they aren't interested in every man that is attracted to them? Perhaps I'm sensitive to this because of a great girl I've been hanging out with lately, but the thought of a woman having to endure the possibility of death because she rejects unwanted sexual attention disgusts me as a man, a human being and a citizen of the earth.

Discussing the realities for youth today in this project gets so much scarier when I read newspaper stories like this. There is an URGENT need for our project to live, and I for one want to see these stupid, cowardly acts of violence end. One of these guys was basically my age too (31). I was so disgusted and disturbed by that news that I have changed my original blog idea to this rant.

What kind of world are we living in when people have to die at school? What kind of life do we have when every cat-calling male pig is a potential murderer? What kind of future can we raise our children in when teenage violent death becomes so pervasive people consider it cliche?

I do not want to live in this world, but truthfully, I'm not sure if it can be changed...

Bobman

Monday, July 21, 2008

Listening Pairs & Listening CIrcles

These are techniques that are useful as part of the group creative process.

Listening Pairs:
Two people take turns listening to each other. They both have equal time. It's a co-counselling technique which I have found to be useful in creative situations.

Listening circle:
Each person in the group has an opportunity to share their thinking, and has equal time.

Opening circle:
Welcoming the whole group. Taking time to connect, center and notice where each person is at.

Closing circle
A way of saying good bye before going off into our lives.

RULES
Everybody has equal time
No one speaks twice until everyone has spoken once
Confidentiality - what is said in the group is not repeated outside the group.

That way we create a safe space.

Meditation:
When doing intense group work its always good to make time to relax, center and calm the mind. We use simple breath meditation. Everybody has a breath so it is an easy thing to focus on.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Many thanks to you all.

Hello!

Just to thank everyone for coming out today. All of your energy and good will was amazing!

It was exciting and moving for me to see the interactions between those new to the process and those of us who have been working together for 4 years now.

I can't wait to get down to the business of building characters and story. I am already so excited by many of the ideas that were thrown out by many of you!

I will be continuing to add research links to this blog, so have a gander, and if it feels right, go ahead and post: add your own research, reflections on the process or the content of the story. Keep in mind that what you write will be available for anyone to read on the web so try to observe basic netiquette.

I want to thank you for bearing with me today. I know the location wasn't ideal and it was a bit cramped but you all handled it with humour and grace.

And apologies for being cranky once or twice. Sometimes things will come out of my mouth that should have passed through some sort of refining filter - a bit blunt. Please believe it's just my weakness talking - no offense meant. I feel so much more vulnerable when I am ill. (I think everyone does.) Not as confident or "composed".

It's the way things are right now tho, and I have to live with it, while moving forward in a positive way.

I hope the project continues to live up to your expectations!

FA

First day of the process...

It was nice to finally see the young people/teens who have ceased to be screen captures on a laptop. They live, breathe, and even talk! It's quite exciting.

Today was a great day of learning each other's names, tendencies and experiences with class/race/culture. It's not a production until Frances-Anne asks you how much your father makes a year in front of 20 people. (true story) While I'm bound to a confidentiality agreement that says I cannot reveal the secrets of the process, I will simply reveal that the rudiments of this process were established today - and they work!

Today's workshop featured various "A Winter Tale" alums, so it's nice to know that getting your head banged on a washing machine makes you friends. (Yes, that's an inside joke. Watch the movie if you want to be hip and 'with it'.) We had lots of varying actors of varying ages and levels of experience. I'm happy to report that no one has yet to use the term 'geezer' or 'silly child', so I consider it a success already. There was a rumour that one of the younger members would be a human sacrifice at the end of the day, but that has not been confirmed. Yet.

In all seriousness, it was a highly productive and entertaining day with lots of laughs, gasps and work. The younger members work diligently, the older members impart wisdom and those stuck in the middle alternate between trading war stories with the vets and trading pizza slices with the newbies. As first days go, this one was not too shabby... :)

Bobman

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Character Models:

Kimberley:

Roger Leighton (the Lawyer):
Courtney Betty
Roger Rowe
Julian Falconer
Selwyn Peters

Cynthia Boyd (The Principal)
Charis Newton

Sgt Peter James (Law Enforcement)
Keith Ford
Peter Sloly

Friday, July 18, 2008

Excited!

Not sure what the main objective of this blog is, but I'll use my first one to journal a bit about my thoughts for the new project...

First, thank you to Frances-Anne for thinking of me. FAS is a truly great artist, a warm human being, and someone I admire very much. I have always learned something new each and every time I have entered a workshop process with her, and I will carry these rich experiences with me my whole life. So before anything to do with this particular project, it has already been a success in my eyes for this reason.

Now, the project...

I'm quite excited at the opportunity of taking a bit of ownership over the project as an actor. I have written quite a bit myself, but working with Frances-Anne does NOT feel like 'writing'. It feels more like an actor being given creative investment into a project in a very unique and effective way. I suppose one could write a 1500-word essay comparing and contrasting the differences between 'writing' and 'creating', but I'll sidestep the minutiae and delve into history.

Having worked with Leda Serene on 'A Winter Tale', I was quite amazed to see how the final product ended up - considering the seemingly inauspicious beginnings. I remember the unconventional first audition/interview and subsequent callback. Having worked mostly on bigger-budget film/tv projects, I assumed that this unconventional methodology was a reason to be daunted. I remember very simple outlines were ascribed to nebulous characters, rough character sketches and a loose premise equated with story. I presumed the worst, and was proven flat wrong.

The process that emerged became one of the most positive, creative and satisfying processes I've been involved with in my 10 years of being a professional actor. FAS' clear theatrical background effuses her film work with relevance and vitality, clarifying banality and transcending vapid, soulless generic screenplays into co-ops of unique vivacity and community.

I cannot say exactly how she does it, but Frances-Anne is able to foster a unique bond, a strong work ethic and, ultimately, a better film between/in/from the talented ensemble she meticulously selects. As a director, her strength is confidence in her vision - and her ability to execute that vision betrays a wealth of knowledge not commonly held by today's usual film/tv director.

It is for these reasons that I am very excited to work with her again, to jump into her process again, and to help lead a bunch of teenagers into this unique and wonderful creative opportunity. There will be harrowing experiences ahead, but in a beautiful way. And the aggregate supply of good art shall increase as a result of this synergy that will be beginning Sunday...

Bobman

Articles about LOCK DOWN

Toronto high school locked down after shooting
Toronto high school locked down during gun incident
Students Recall Being In Lockdown
Parents Shocked & Angry After Shooting
CityNews Rewind: The Day Jordan Manners Was Killed
Lockdown at New Westminster high school leaves pupils 'a little bit scared'
Police lock down North York high school after gunman reports
Teen stabbed outside Scarborough high school
High School Goes Into Lockdown & Fear After Fatal Shooting
Toy gun sparks school lockdown

Definition of Class

Wikipedia: Definition of Social Class

Premeet, July 16 2008

Valerie, Bobby, Michael, FA

The purpose of the meeting, in my garden was to prepare for the 1 day workshop at my place Sunday 20th. It will be our first meeting with the kids. I wanted to review where we had come from, and look forward.

I printed out the notes from the March workshop and we went through them.

I also outined the plot structure so far, the characters, and matched characters to people.

I had photos of the young people and showed them to the group, to remind of who they were.

We talked about a structure for the day - meditation, listening pairs, a listening circle, and some games, were posible openers.

I want to use the day mainly for introduction and getting to know each other and the lay of the land.

Areas I want to cover include: going to a deep place as an actor, revealing personal experiences, holding to honest emotion.

Looking at Class , race and immigration, and how these intersect to define one's ability to lead fulfilled lives.

This is important since the impression is that most of the kids are "middle class" and we chose them because of their talent not because they have necessarily lived experiences of working class school situations.

However the setting of the school (the context for our story) is obviously working class. We are talking about an inner city school, where conditions prevail that lead to a time bomb type situation - it's a matter of time before it explodes. In the film it does.

There was the question of when to introduce the story and assign characters. We want the kids to feel free to create in the first instance, so maybe not immediately. But there is also safety and freedom in having a context and structure to work in.

So maybe I should write the story and give it to them, and then introduce their characters later.

I am not 100% well (still recovering from surgery) and so would like to structure ways to rely on the other (team leaders) to support me.

Some suggestions:

1) Bobby can help by leading some group games
2) Val can help with the small groups particularly "going deep"
3) Michael is a good resource about the school context as his high school experience was similar to that we are trying to recreate.