Tony Lo Bianco...

Lo Bianco. Tony Lo Bianco.

I like my women hot, my beer cold, and summers off. Enter teaching. Just kidding. Well, kinda.

Basically, as long as they pay me on time, I’m good. I’m in by nine (okay, usually a couple minutes late), I’m done by 3:35 (okay, usually a couple minutes early), and I’ll see you at the pool hall on Friday nights. My job reminds me of that famous line from “Dazed and Confused”: ‘I love high school girls. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.’

I never cross the line, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say my little jail bait hotties are a perk of the job. And if I can teach a couple pussies how to lay a couple of those birds, I’m Teacher of the Fuckin’ Year. I’d love a piece of Martina (I call her Little M), but I think I better teach that Muslim Ben how to get his pecker straight. Better him than me. Just wait 2 years for me, Little M... That Kim’s a nice piece of ass too.

In the dudage department, the only kid I kinda like is Adam. He laughs at all my jokes, and he can play basically any sport he wants. Great forearms on that kid. If he wasn’t black, I’d think of him as my kid. I don’t hate black kids, they just make me a little uncomfortable. Still, you can’t beat summers off.

In my high school life, I got it all figured out. I know who to grease, who to ignore, and which girls will probably end up being hot by grade 11. This new guy Mr. Wright is breaking my balls though. I’ve got my routine down. Everything works out, I kiss the principal’s ass just enough to be left alone, and I’ll even coach a basketball team or run the debating club once a year to be “all school spirit”. But this guy is watching me. I can feel his fucken eyes on me like a snake. I don’t know why he can’t just chill the fuck out, but he’s all “Dangerous Minds” or whatever. Once he realizes this job isn’t like the movies, he’ll figure it out. Fuck it. I might even invite him to the pool hall. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Now I gotta review rationalizing the denominator again. I used to be good at math, but I keep forgetting that shit. I’d rather just teach gym, but they tell me I have to add an “academic”. Personally, I think gym is pretty fucken academic, but what are you gonna do? I can review that math text book tonight, and still have time to Facebook some of my students. Really, I should hang out with more chicks my own age, but I can’t deal with cougars. They get too flabby. My girls got all the right parts in all the right places – and nobody’s asking to marry me. Where do I sign?

I gotta hit Wasaga this weekend. These kids are breaking my fucken balls about their mid-terms. Who’d a thunk so many fuck-ups would end up being keeners? If you’re a ghetto kid, act like it. I’ll let you do whatever the fuck you want, just extend me the same courtesy. I won’t call the cops on you, don’t tell the principal on me. It’s pretty simple. Maybe I can go to Italy for the summer? Maybe Spain? Lots of young girls vacationing in Europe for the summer. Sounds like a plan to me... Just kidding. Well, not really.

Lo Bianco!