Shyla's Monologue

My Story

Hey, my name is Shyla and I am powerful beyond measure. Well, that and I am a sixteen year old grade 11 student at a Toronto High School. My favourite flower and colour is tulip, which is a shade of purple that means, “You will be famous!” I absolutely adore chocolate covered anything and extra cheesy pizza. I live with my Father, and my 17 year old brother Adam. My mother is currently incarcerated so; it’s good to know that Adam has my back. I can’t say that much for my dad though. He thinks the way to successfully raise a child is to give them money. I mean don’t get it twisted we’re not rich or anything, but whenever I say I miss my mom, instead of talking about it, he’ll pull out a five dollar bill! Hasn’t anybody told him money can’t buy happiness?

It’s all good though, my girls and I use the pity cash toward our “living funds” anyway. Which includes drugs, alcohol and of course shopping; we love to look ‘fly’. I don’t think I could survive without Martina and Kim; we are a family for real. However, sometimes the things they do are a little overboard. Nevertheless, we run that school with ease. We get more respect than all the teachers and the principal combined, and they are all scared to do anything anyway. Everybody knows that if you try to mess with us, oh I feel sorry for you because I’ll tear up a person for real. I really am I nice person though, it’s when you get on my bad side that we have a problem. Surprisingly, we do pretty good in school, I mean we almost hit honour role last year! Secretly, we all want to make something of ourselves, but sometimes I wonder if we even know how.
In the neighbourhood we live in, only the tough survive. That’s why we all got to stick together, to me; friendship is the most important thing. Recently however, TT and Kim revealed their newest business venture to me. This involved sleeping with random guys for nothing except drugs and cash. My girls get nothing but love from me so it honestly hurts to hear that they’d keep something like that behind my back. Especially since TT’s so much better than to sleep with those guys and Kim’s so much smarter than to get them for her. Worst part is they did it on my mom’s birthday. However, I never got to tell them that part because they were so caught up in fighting with each other. I just don’t want TT to catch some disease or for the two of them to be caught up in a bad situation just like my mom. I'm kinda the logical one in that sense. Because if I lost one of them, I honestly don’t know what I would do.

I like to say the three of are ‘Starz’, in reality we all love to act and sing, that’s why we took drama. Nobody will ever get us to admit that though, and they better not try. TT and Kim have talked about writing songs, and yes of course I was excluded from that conversation. I’m pretty used to feeling left out sometimes, I mean they have known each other longer. The three of us would make a wicked girl group though, especially with our singing and dancing on point. I think our tough skin makes us 100% compatible with the music biz. And what a perfect way to get ourselves out of our current situation and make money; better yet, Adam could be our manager! My mom loved to sing and act, just like me; she gave up on her dream though. Fortunately for me, I have no intention of giving up mine.

The whole situation with my mom began one day when I came home from school looking for her. Only to find out from Adam that she was taken to jail. My dad came home soon after and said he didn’t want to talk about it. But of course he slipped me a five dollar bill. The worst part is that I never even got to say goodbye. My mom was my favourite person in this whole entire world. That’s why I thank God for bringing me TT and Kim. They prove to me that I am truly blessed.
My mother had one brother and my dad had two sisters but they died at a young age. Which explains why my father seems to isolate himself from painful situations. When my mom was around, our family used to get together all the time, that’s all different now though. Since after my mom went to jail, Uncle Joseph moved to New York and our grandparents live in the Caribbean so we hardly ever them. I love Granny though (my dad’s mother), first of all she can actually talk to people, and she is an amazing listener. No matter what I’m going through all she has to say is, “Keep your head up baby”, and it’s like automatically everything is better.
The one thing my dad is good at is teaching Adam and I about what it means to be black, and racial discrimination. He says that’s why others refer to the kids in our neighbourhood as ‘troubled’. Thing is, the more people say that about you, the more you start to believe it. Adam never lets me though; he keeps reminding me of all the good things I got going on. And he always warns me against the situations I get myself into, and even though I still go through with it anyway, he never once said, “I told you so.” No matter how unsympathetic my friends can sometimes be, or how quickly my moods can shift, he will always be there for me. I just want to make Mom, Adam, Dad and Granny proud by making something of myself, to show those ignorant people who constantly label us as ‘troubled’, how wrong they really are.

I’m just happy we are all in the same drama class; I mean that place is a serious family reunion. You got my girls, Adam, Kim’s sister, a guy that I think likes Martina, my brother’s friend Vusani and one weird kid but who cares about him. Vusani is a very complex person to me. He puts up this bullet proof exterior like nothing in the world could faze him. Yet, whenever I look into his eyes, I see pain. I have know idea what it is or where it comes from but I have this dominant feeling that it’s something deep. The only weird thing is that he’s always staring at me; I hate that because it makes me feel like I got something on my face! About our teacher, secretly, I think he is straight up ‘greezy’, I love his class. But of course he will never know because I am good at keeping secrets. This year should be interesting; I think there may be love in the air for a few people. As for me, I have to stay strong for my girls, and live every day as best I can. Besides unless ‘bodyguard’ Adam approves, I probably won’t have a man until I am 50. Of course, I wouldn’t put myself past hiding it from him, if I find someone I really like. We will see what happens though.

For now my girls, Adam and I got open drama class as our safe place; a place where we can develop our secret natural love and ability for the art.

Because having an abundance of physical strength makes me powerful. But the internal confidence and strength I gain from performing and having talent, makes me powerful beyond measure.

~Shy~